


True Colors

by munibunny (b_cat)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-19
Updated: 2008-09-19
Packaged: 2017-11-06 17:29:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/421476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b_cat/pseuds/munibunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is a mentally challenged young man with a very special gift. Jensen is an executive with nothing in his life but work. They meet by accident and discover a connection that defies explanation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	True Colors

**Author's Note:**

> Written for j2au Summer Love Songs Fic Challenge. Special thanks to the wonderful shadowc44 for her amazing beta-fu and to katysam for the beautiful artwork and for being the best cheerleader ever! 
> 
> Title taken from "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper.
> 
> This fic was inspired by the story 'Tim' by Colleen McCullough as well as the 1979 movie of the same name starring Mel Gibson!

~*~ Chapter 1 ~*~

There’s a crack in the sidewalk running from street corner to street corner. Jared pokes at it with his big toe, traces the line from one end to the other like it’s some kind of maze with a treasure hidden at the finish. The sun is already low on the horizon, turning the sky a bright orange red even as it warms his skin. A gentle breeze caresses his face, fluttering through his shaggy brown hair like unseen fingertips, and he closes his eyes for a moment to savor the tender touch. 

The leaves in the trees whisper softly to him, comforting words that make him smile. He smells like dirt and sweat mixed with the green grass stains on his jeans and the pumpernickel bread Mrs. O’Hara pressed into his hands after he finished planting the last of her begonias for the season. He drops pieces of crust on the ground at his feet, giggling as sparrows nip playfully at the crumbs between his toes. 

This is his favorite time of day, when the sun is gradually waning, when time seems to slow down to practically nothing. He doesn’t like when things rush by so fast he can’t grasp hold of it, like it does most times. But the wind and the leaves understand just how to sing the right song for him, and he’s grateful.

He counts the cars that pass by. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. And then right back to the beginning again. He knows that his momma will be there by the time he reaches the end, no special reason, just that he knows it to be true. A dog barks somewhere off in the distance. It’s Mr. Jacobs’ black Labrador saying hello to the orange tabby that moved in at the end of the next block. It may be weeks before they’re actually friends, but that doesn’t mean he’ll stop trying to make it happen.

One. Two. Three. Four. 

As the sleek red Cutlass pulls up to the curb next to him, the birds scatter, and the sounds around him abruptly change. 

_Don’t worry,_ he thinks as loudly as he can, _your secret’s safe with me._

His momma looks at him with a frustrated scowl, like he’s purposely made her late again. He can tell that she wants to be angry but her face softens just a little bit when he offers a sweet, understanding smile. Her eyes rake over him, taking in his disheveled appearance and he knows he’s disappointed her again.

“Jared,” she sighs, rubbing her hand tiredly over her forehead like it helps to keep the wrong words from coming out. “Hurry and get in the car, baby. Your brother’s comin’ over for dinner tonight and I’ve got a million things to do.”

He can’t help the laughter that bubbles up from within and he claps his hands together excitedly.

“Jeff?” he giggles, “Meggie too?”

“Yes, and Lauren,” she answers, impatiently buckling his seatbelt when he doesn’t move fast enough for her liking. 

Jared feels the joy fizzle right out from under him and he slouches back in his seat like a deflated doll. 

His momma exhales sharply, looking at him with exasperation. 

“Honey, you need to get over this thing you have about Lauren,” she says, shaking her head. “She’s Jeff’s wife now so she’s a part of this family just as much as you are.”

“She doesn’t like me,” he pouts.

“Oh, that’s not true,” she declares, but her nose twitches with the lie as she carefully avoids his gaze. “You just haven’t given her a chance.”

Jared sighs and stares out the window as she sets the car in motion. The scenery speeds by, too fast for him to focus on anything, and the roar of the wind is deafening in his ears.

*

His momma shuffles him straight from the car into the bath, muttering about dirt on her new white carpet and stains not coming out of his jeans. She speaks about him like he isn’t even there and it makes him feel dirty, even though he knows he isn’t. 

“Jared baby, why are you just standing there?” she cries when she catches him leaning against the door frame. “They’ll be here in a few minutes and I have things to do in the kitchen.”

She doesn’t even look him in the eye as she starts tugging on his clothing.

“I got it, Momma,” he grunts, wriggling out of her grip to pull his t-shirt over his head. 

She sighs with annoyance.

“Baby...”

Jared drops the shirt to the ground and starts in on his belt. 

“I’m not a baby,” he grumbles under his breath.

His jeans hit the floor with a thud, and he kicks them off to the side before standing there, arms crossed over his chest defiantly.

“Jared,” she shouts, “I don’t have time for this today.”

He wants to whine and stamp his foot, but he really doesn’t want to be mad at his momma. She loves him, even though he can tell that it hurts her to look at him sometimes. Instead, he unfolds his arms and picks at the dirt under his fingernails, blinking back his tears.

“What’s all the shouting for?” A booming voice sounds from the doorway and Jared practically launches himself into his daddy’s arms. 

He feels the rumbling of his father’s laughter against his body as his daddy struggles to keep his balance.

“Gerald, he’s filthy,” his momma says disapprovingly, and Jared grudgingly unwinds himself from his father’s embrace.

“Nothing a little bit of soap and water won’t cure,” Gerry teases. “Right son?”

“Right Dad,” Jared replies, standing tall and proud despite being half naked in a room full of people. 

“You go on to the kitchen,” Gerry says to his wife with a wink, “your son and I have some cleanin’ up to do.”

Jared beams at his father, silent understanding passing between them. He catches his momma’s sad look even as she bends to pick up his dirty clothes from the floor. 

“I’ll set something out on the bed for him to wear,” she says over her shoulder. “Please don’t take all night. They’ll be here in less than 30 minutes.”

“Okay Momma,” they answer in unison and giggle against each other’s shoulders. 

His dad reaches in to start the shower as Jared strips off his boxers.

“You finish planting Mrs. O’Hara’s begonias today?” his dad asks and Jared shivers with the excitement of being able to share something special.

“They were totally ready, Daddy,” he says. “They wanted to be planted today.” 

Because of his height, even his dad has to crane his neck to look up into his face. Gerry’s eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles. Dimples matching Jared’s own peep back at him mischievously.

“Well then,” his daddy chuckles, “I guess it’s a good thing they got planted.”

Jared nods happily. He wants to say more, but knows it’ll be too much. The dark circles under his father’s eyes remind him how much it costs just to have him standing so close. 

“I can take a bath myself, Daddy,” he says with a bright grin.

“I know you can son,” Gerry answers, taking in a labored breath. “You’re a big boy now. You can take care of yourself.”

Jared blushes under the unexpected praise. It makes his eyes water just a little bit and his chest feel tight, although he doesn’t really know why. 

“Go and lie down, Daddy,” he says softly, noting the lines around his father’s mouth, “I promise to wash real good.”

Daddy squeezes his shoulder warmly and shuffles toward the door. 

“Son,” he calls back over his shoulder just as Jared is slipping under the hot spray, “make sure you get that smudge off your forehead or your mother will have my behind.”

Jared catches a glimpse of the brown streak in the mirror just as it begins to fog over. No doubt, it’s been there all afternoon and it makes him laugh out loud. He’ll make sure to scrub his face extra clean just in case. 

*

He bounds down the stairs toward the sound of his brother’s voice, heart tripping a staccato beat against his ribcage. Jeff moved out years ago, but Jared’s never gotten over missing him. Once upon a time, he wanted to be just like his brother, but that was before they figured out he couldn’t learn and long before his momma stopped making him go to school. 

Jared skids to a halt just outside the dining room where the Padaleckis are greeting each other with restrained civility. The last few times Jeff brought Lauren home for dinner it was the same way, the two of them standing there stiffly, wearing their Sunday best, while his parents talk about things that don’t really matter. For the moment, Momma is even too busy complimenting Lauren’s pretty cream colored dress to notice him standing there.

He fingers the collar of his white button down nervously. His skin is still dewy from the shower and the stiff fabric feels scratchy and uncomfortable. Momma obviously wanted him to wear it so that he’d fit in better, but it doesn’t feel quite right. When she finally looks up at him, her polite smile disappears.

“Jared, baby,” she sighs, “did you even bother to dry your hair? Now your shirt’s soaking wet.”

He draws his shoulders up toward his ears, willing his big body to take up less space in the room. He can feel the dampness of the material as his wet hair enlarges the darkening circle around his collar. 

“You didn’t even comb it out, did you?” she asks, but she’s not looking at him again so he knows she doesn’t expect an answer. “Now go back upstairs and change your clothes.”

He sees Lauren turn away from him, like he’s too pitiful to even look at, but there’s a teasing light in Jeff’s eye that makes it all okay again. His daddy nods in the direction of the stairs and Jared smiles in return. He really wanted to wear something else anyway.

He’s chewing on his bottom lip, trying to picture which t-shirt won’t make Momma too angry, when the door slams open and his little sister, Megan, comes flying in. 

“Meggie!” he shouts, grabbing hold of her and twirling around like she weighs less than a doll. 

She squeals with delight, hooking her longs legs around his waist, and it’s like all hell breaks loose at once. Momma is on them, hollering to “put her down before you break something” and Jared giggles like it’s a game. Lauren retreats to a nearby corner, hands in the air like she’s afraid of getting pummeled, while Dad and Jeff pretend to grab at Megan’s ankles. 

Momma gets ahold of his arm and yanks hard enough to get him to stop and he lets his sister slide down his body until her toes touch the ground. She’s a tall girl, nearly 5’10” barefoot, but Jared’s still towers over her enough to get his chin on top of her head as she hugs him back fiercely.

He’s hugging her, eyes scrunched up really tight, with his momma batting at his arm when things suddenly go eerily still. He slits one eye open to find two piercing blue orbs staring right back at him.

His momma, face still red with vexation, is the first one to speak up, of course, although her voice betrays none of her annoyance.

“Hello there, young man,” she says, straightening imaginary wrinkles from her skirt. “Megan, would you care to do the introductions, please?”

Megan whirls around, laughter still in her voice.

“Oh, right,” she says breathlessly, “everybody, this is Chace.” 

“Chace?” Momma asks, polite smile plastered to her face.

“Crawford,” he supplies. “Megan and I were in Microbiology class together.”

Jared’s dad steps forward, taking the poor boy’s hand in a reassuring handshake.

“Nice to meet you, son,” he says with a twinkle in his eye. “I’m Megan’s unfortunate father. This here is Megan’s brother, Jeff, and his lovely wife Lauren.”

“Dr. Cohan,” Lauren says succinctly, extending her own hand in greeting.

“Right,” the boy says, taking her hand nervously, “Megan mentioned you two are both doctors.”

Megan steps up behind him, playfully tugging on his shirt to get his attention.

“Babe,” she says, “this is my big brother, Jared.” She wraps her arms around Jared’s waist protectively as she brings them face to face. 

Jared blushes under the scrutiny. He doesn’t like being the center of attention because it usually means he’s done something wrong.

“Jay, it’s okay,” Megan whispers, like she’s coaxing a skittish 6’5” colt. “This is my friend Chace. He’s really nice.”

Jared peeks out shyly from under his shaggy, wet bangs. Chace’s eyes are a mesmerizing shade of blue and he’s torn between wanting to stare until his own eyes cross or run away, taking Megan with him, of course. He chooses, instead, to bite his thumbnail and wait for the other boy to make the first move.

“Wow, Meg, you weren’t kidding about him being big,” Chace says, eyes clearly roaming everywhere from Jared’s floppy brown hair to his wide shoulders and all the way down his long long legs. 

Jared squirms a little bit when Chace’s eyes hover a little too long on his private parts. People always tend to look a little too long at his hands and... there but he’s never understood why. 

Momma’s voice makes him jump like he’s being scolded. 

“Megan,” she barks, “I need some help in the kitchen.”

“I’ll help too,” Jeff says. “Chace, can you help Daddy grab one of those extra chairs for the dining table?”

Jared scurries after the three of them toward the kitchen. He wants to be sure Megan doesn’t get yelled at because of something he did wrong. 

His momma is clearly flustered and she doesn’t look at any of them when she speaks which is never a good sign.

“Megan,” she whispers dramatically, “you didn’t tell us you were bringing a guest. You know how Jared gets...”

“Jared loves meeting new people Momma, besides, we’re going out after and I didn’t want to miss seeing Jeff this time around.”

“Not my fault you couldn’t make it last time, squirt,” Jeff responds.

“Not my fault you picked finals week to invite yourself to dinner, asshole,” she teases right back.

Jeff swats at her playfully and she responds with a poke in his midsection.

“Megan,” his momma shouts, “watch your language.”

Jared watches the exchange. He never gets over how they can do that, talk, argue, and laugh all at the same time. Megan leans over to him, bringing him into their little circle. When he looks down, she slips a bag of gummy bears into his hand.

“Not before dinner or Momma will kill me,” she whispers softly in his ear.

Jared grins, pops a red one in his mouth, and pockets the rest. 

*

Jared loves his momma’s cooking. The way Daddy tells it, her good food is the reason Jared’s grown up so big and strong. It’s just that everything always tastes so good and when he’s eating, he forgets everything else, including talking or even listening. Daddy says it’s okay to do that when it’s just him and Momma at the table but that he needs to pay more attention when other people are there. Sometimes he forgets, though. 

When he looks up over the chicken bone he’s been gnawing on, he catches Lauren frowning at him. The rest of her face is obscured by the large napkin that she’s holding over her mouth but he can tell by the look in her eyes that her mouth is probably pinched into a disapproving pucker. His momma sometimes looks at him like that when he’s done something particularly bad and she’s run out of words to say.

He lays the chicken down on his plate and licks away the gravy on his lips. 

He notices for the first time that the room is filled with happy chatter. Megan is busy telling Momma about a 16-layer chocolate cake she and Chace tried the night they finished their final exams and Jeff is sharing stories about life in the ER with Daddy. Everyone is happily jabbering away except for Lauren who is just staring at him. 

He looks down at his shirt when her eyes flick downward and notices that the front is stained brown with gravy and pieces of food. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, smearing the grease further over his cheek, before balling his fists together under the table. 

“What’s the matter, son?” his father asks softly.

Jared chews nervously on his bottom lip. He knows his father doesn’t like it when he’s feeling sad and, more than anything, he doesn’t want Daddy to feel bad, so he tries on a bright smile and takes another bite of chicken. 

His dad squeezes the back of his neck and chuckles. His eyes are a warm hazel as he appraises Jared lovingly and Jared feels all cozy inside. He’s laughing out loud as he reaches for his glass of water, not paying attention as it pitches forward to spill right into the mashed potatoes. 

There’s a gasp from across the table as his mother stands, rushing to right the upended glass and carry the ruined mashed potatoes away.

“I’m sorry, Momma,” Jared whispers, touching her arm.

She flinches away and it stings just as if she’d slapped him in the face. 

“Can’t he be taught some table manners?” Lauren asks Jeff, and Jared sees his brother heave a sigh. 

“Lauren’s right, Momma,” Jeff says, “I think you’ve indulged him just a little too long. Jared’s perfectly capable of learning to eat properly. He’s not a little boy anymore.”

“Yes, he is,” his mother chokes out. “You can’t expect him to understand...”

He’ll never get over the way they talk about him like he’s not even there, like he’s too slow to understand that what they’re really saying is that he doesn’t really matter.

“I’m not a baby,” he says petulantly, getting to his feet to tower over the table.

“I’ll say,” a voice mutters and all eyes whirl around to see Megan slapping her boyfriend’s shoulder.

The boy clamps his mouth shut but he’s got his hand on Megan’s thigh and Jared doesn’t like that very much.

“You,” he stutters, “you need to stop touching Meggie like that.”

“It’s okay, Jay,” his sister giggles. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not,” Jared says, eyes looking from one shocked face to another. “It’s not okay. Nothing is okay.”

“Jared,” his father barks, “go to your room right now.”

Jared stares, open mouthed. His daddy has never spoken to him that way before. He stands resolutely, feeling sick to his stomach, and practically runs up the stairs, tripping over his big feet in his haste to get as far away from them as possible. 

He lies there on his bed for a long time, clutching his pillow tightly to his chest. After a while, he hears his father’s heavy footfalls coming toward him down the hallway. He doesn’t look up even when the bed creaks and Gerry settles down next to him on the edge of the bed.

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” Jared whispers. “I don’t know what I did.”

“It's not your fault, Jared,” his father murmurs, stroking his hair. “It's okay. You're daddy's boy, Jared. Daddy loves you, no matter what.”

*****

Jensen Ross Ackles stares out across the smog filled Los Angeles sky. From his window on the 23rd floor, he can barely even make out the cars moving around on the streets below. It’s sort of amazing and distressing all at the same time that the air he breathes is filled with all that... muck. Makes staying indoors all that much more attractive.

Behind him, Michael Rosenbaum is pacing back and forth, wearing grooves in the plush carpet of Jensen’s immaculate corner office. He knows this not because he’s listening to the man’s incessant ranting, but because he can see Mike’s silhouette reflected in the window as he moves from one end of the room to the other.

“They’re talking about going MyTV!” Mike shouts and then stops to rap on the beveled glass of Jensen’s desktop. “Jensen, are you even listening to me?”

He sighs, giving up his perch on the windowsill and unfolding his arms as his stands. 

“So, let them,” he responds with a curt shrug.

“What?”

“Look,” he says, pressing against the persistent pounding in his temple with the tip of his index finger, “if they want to go from Top 10 in primetime to bad daytime soap, then let ‘em.”

“But what about the sponsorships? The programming?” 

Jensen slips lithely into his high back leather chair and picks through the paperwork on his desk.

“Dude, relax,” he says calmly.

Mike covers his face with both his hands and groans aloud. 

“Jensen, am I boring you with this shit or something?” he asks. “If we don’t do something right now, KQRX is going straight into the toilet.”

Jensen quirks an eyebrow and levels his gaze at the man.

“Mike,” he says flatly, “JD pays me to keep these stations profitable and if that means trimming the fat, so be it.” 

He sees the speculative way Mike eyes him and knows just when the pieces slot right into place.

“You have an offer,” Mike whispers reverently. 

“Yup,” Jensen responds shortly, smiling when he finally gets Mike to stop pacing. 

“You son of a bitch,” Mike exhales, flopping into a chair across from him. “You already knew... and you still let me...”

“Hey, gotta get my entertainment wherever I can,” he smirks and ceremoniously flips a plain black file folder on top of the rest. “Tell Tom to alert Legal. I wanna unload it before the end of the month.”

“Damn, I don’t know if we can move that fast.”

Jensen snorts and Mike raises his hands as if conceding defeat.

“Yeah, yeah,” Mike mumbles, “you don’t give a shit. Right.”

Jensen lets out a mirthless laugh and leans over to grab his laptop. 

“The offer’s a good one, Mike,” he says casually. “I’ve been talking to them for the past couple of weeks and it’s as solid as we’re going to get. Just pull the trigger.” 

“What about KQ’s management?” Mike asks, “They’ve been jumping through hoops to get profits up for you. They’re gonna wanna talk.”

Jensen rolls his eyes.

“What’s to talk about? It’s a done deal,” he replies, standing to signal the end of their conversation.

He’s methodically stuffing the binders and file folders stacked on his desk into his briefcase when he suddenly realizes Mike still hasn’t left the room.

“What?” he demands, not used to continuing any discussion past dismissal. 

Mike just stares back at him quizzically.

“What the hell, Mike, you suddenly fascinated with my face or something?” he asks impatiently.

Mike shakes his head slowly.

“Naw, it’s just that... you’re leaving and it’s still daylight,” Mike stammers. “You feeling alright?”

“Yeah, I have to pick up my car because the shop’s closing early. Gonna work from home instead.”

“Right,” Mike says. “For a moment there I thought you might have a social life or something.”

Jensen pulls up short, a frown creasing his forehead. 

“I have a social life,” he states, “not that it’s any of your business.”

“Hey, you’re right,” Mike says, wisely retreating. “None of my business where you find your hot women.”

Jensen sighs, it’s not as if he and Mike are actually friends or anything. In fact, he’d probably characterize their relationship as adversarial more than anything else. As the two senior Vice Presidents of Morgan Communications, they’ve spent more time at each other’s throats than on the same team. He figures that’s the main reason Jeffrey Dean Morgan promoted both of them in the first place. 

“Like I said,” he enunciates, watching Mike toss the black file from one hand to the other. “I’m gonna set up shop at home this weekend. Just call my cell if something comes up.”

“Dude,” Mike chortles as he backs toward the door, “you may not have a social life but I do. I’ll take care of this on Monday. Try to, you know, enjoy yourself for a change or whatever.”

Jensen watches him go with a mixture of annoyance and relief. 

*

Driving home while the sun’s still up kind of sucks. After the tune-up, his Range Rover fairly purrs under his fingertips as he drives north over Highway 101 and out of the city, but the traffic on the freeway makes his head hurt and his eyes twitch behind his sunglasses. It isn’t until he passes through West Hollywood and Laurel Canyon that the smog begins to clear and he doesn’t need to squint so hard as colors start to emerge through the thick grey haze. 

It takes a full 90 minutes in traffic before he reaches the cutoff to Toluca Lake, and another 25 until he’s pulling into his own driveway. Glancing at his watch, he makes a mental note to never leave the office until long after sundown again, probably not a problem considering his current work schedule. It’s a weird feeling, seeing the postman slip a handful of magazines and junk mail into his mailbox as he hoists his briefcase out of the car. The man looks at him like he’s some alien invader, waving stiltedly before getting back into his truck and driving away, and Jensen’s left standing there feeling completely out of place. He can’t help but huff out a laugh. 

Dumping both laptop and briefcase on his front step, he treks out to retrieve the mail, cursing the way the late summer heat makes him break into a sweat. He’s halfway down the driveway, peeling off his jacket and loosening his tie, when he suddenly stops and stares at his front lawn.

He remembers why he chose the place to begin with. It had a bit of that old world feel, aged American Craftsman, with wide columns and big bay windows up front. The garden had been bursting with color with lush green foliage and varicolored blossoms. He’d gotten the place from a woman whose parents had lovingly cared for the house for nearly 40 years and it had felt like home from the moment he first laid eyes on it. 

Obviously, coming home in the middle of the night all the time, he’s missed the ruin that his garden has become. 

He’s hardly given much thought to selling, even though the place is way too big for him to roll around in, but lately, Danneel, his on again, off again girlfriend of two years, has been putting pressure on him to sell the place in favor of a hot little penthouse in the city. The truth is, he’s always had visions of kids running around in the back yard and family barbeques on Sunday afternoons, but looking at his current lifestyle, it’s probably all just a pipe dream anyway. 

He heaves out a sigh. If he’s going to sell the place, he needs to get it in shape or he’ll never get back his investment. 

“Hello stranger,” a raspy voice greets him and he turns to offer a shy smile to his neighbor, Sophia. 

“Hey, Soph,” he says, waiting as she sidles up next to him. 

“I thought I was hallucinating or something but it really is you,” she laughs. 

He nudges her shoulder playfully. They’d long since past the awkwardness of being neighbors and singles in a world where those things matter. 

“Not like I’d expect to find you home at this time of the day,” he says. “They didn’t kill you off, did they?”

“No, thankfully Brooke Davis is still alive and making life miserable for Lucas Scott on a daily basis,” she quips.

“I don’t know how you can stand being near that guy,” he chuckles, “I’d have cut off his balls by now.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a job, right?” She shrugs. “Besides, where else would I find all those hot girls my friends are always asking me to set them up with, hmmm?”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t remind me,” he scowls, poking at a dry patch of grass with his foot. “I’m gonna have to do something about this.”

“Danneel still dropping hints about the penthouse?” she asks. 

“Yeah, you could say that,” he replies. “So who does your yard anyway? It always looks picture perfect.”

“Nuh uh, dude, he’s mine.”

Jensen turns to look at her.

“What? Like you've got some exclusive on manicured lawns these days? Come on, help a guy out here,” he cajoles. 

“You're just gonna make fun of me.” 

“No, I'm not. I swear,” he says, hands up in mock surrender.

She groans, clearly undecided over how to respond, and he ups the anty with a pathetic little smile.

“Okay, okay,” she grumbles, “he'll be here tomorrow morning. But I swear Jensen, if you so much as snicker at him, I will cut off your dick myself.”

“Whoa, now,” he squeaks, “I’ll be good, I promise, just keep those sharp objects away from my sensitive areas.”

She throws back her head and laughs out loud, an evil gleam in her brown eyes, as she saunters back toward her own house.

 

Jensen showers quickly and microwaves the lone frozen pizza in his kitchen. He sets up his laptop and unloads his briefcase onto the mahogany dining room table. There’s at least a week’s worth of financials waiting for him to go through before the weekend’s up. With a sigh, he settles in and opens the first file.

The next time he looks up, the day’s long gone and it’s pitch dark outside. His stomach rumbles, and when he looks down at the plate next to him, he sees the half eaten cold pizza still sitting here. It’s less than appetizing, but lacking the energy to make himself anything else, he reheats it and stands over the kitchen sink to finish it off.

***** 

Jensen peers over the rim of his sunglasses at the hulk of a man crouched over a brightly colored patch of dahlias in Sophia’s garden. It’s not just that the dude is tall, which clearly he is, but his angular features and muscled frame make him more of a candidate for some racy teen drama like the ones on The CW than someone’s front lawn.

“You have got to be kidding me,” he snorts. “This is your gardener? I'll bet he does more than your flower beds.” 

“Shut up, Jensen,” Sophia growls, slapping him hard on the back of the head. “He doesn't even understand you. Jared's different. He's special.”

“Obviously.”

Her eyes widen meaningfully as she stares back at him. 

“No, I mean it. He's _special.”_

He gapes are her, open mouthed, before looking back at the way the man is gracefully digging through a patch of dirt. “My God, you're talking Special Ed? No fucking way.”

“You promised to be good,” Sophia whispers, low but with pointed venom. “One wrong move and you can kiss your private parts goodbye.” 

He gasps, covering his groin out of self preservation.

“There’s no need for violence,” he grumbles. “Give a guy a break will ya? It’s just kind of hard to believe, you know, what with the way he looks and all.”

“I know,” she replies, eyes going soft and, believe it or not, maternal, “it’s so sad. You’d never know by looking at him because he’s, like, so incredibly gorgeous. He’s really sweet too, maybe the nicest guy on the planet. It’s just not fair.”

He watches the way her eyes sort of mist over as she speaks, further proof of how enormously wrong people are for assuming she’s nothing more than a brainless bimbo.

“Chad’s an idiot,” he blurts out, and stumbles backward, not used to having his inner thoughts tumble out like that.

“What?” She blinks up at him, clearly just as confused by his behavior as he is. Then she offers him the most genuine smile he’s ever seen, all white teeth and careless dimples. “Come on,” she says, “I’ll introduce you.”

Her hand is warm as it slips around his bicep and he feels a moment’s hesitation over the way the sweat has made his skin sticky. He’s uncomfortable and more than a little out of his element as she drags him over the lawn toward the other man, well, boy really, now that he’s gotten a better look.

“Jared,” she calls, “I want you to meet somebody. This is my friend Jensen. He lives next door.”

The boy, Jared, stands and stretches, rolling his muscular shoulders, and Jensen is taken aback. Sophia was definitely right about the guy being gorgeous because, despite having dirt up to his elbows and streaks of sweat running down his face, the guy is closer to perfection than any male model he’s ever seen. 

Jared makes a sour face the minute his eyes light on Jensen and, sure, people have reacted to him in visceral ways before but never quite like this.

“Your grass is thirsty. It doesn't like you very much,” Jared says and, of all the things Jensen expected the guy to say, this certainly isn’t one of them.

“Huh?” he utters, shaking himself for his complete lack of coherency. 

“Your grass doesn’t like you very much now,” Jared repeats earnestly, concern coloring his open face. 

“Well, I don't like it much either,” Jensen replies with a shrug. 

“It knows,” Jared says sadly. “That's why it lets the weeds poke you when you walk by.”

Jensen snorts and Sophia pokes him in the ribs with a bony finger. He eyes her warily, inwardly calculating ways to protect his vulnerable body parts. She may have warned him about Jared’s mental capacity but she didn’t really say anything about him being batshit crazy. 

“I see,” he says levelly. “And does my grass speak to you on a regular basis?”

Jared’s face falls and he immediately looks at the ground. The boy’s already floppy hair tumbles down over his forehead like a curtain, shielding his eyes from Jensen’s gaze and Jensen feels like the biggest scumbag on the face of the earth. 

“Oh, I, uh...” he stutters, “Sorry, I didn’t mean...”

Sophia slaps him hard on the arm.

“Jared,” she says coaxingly, “Jensen wants to know if you can work on his garden too, make it pretty like mine.”

Jared's eyes light up and his dimpled smile is brilliant when he peers expectantly at Jensen. 

“Really?” he says hopefully, “I could. I could make it look really pretty. But I have to ask my daddy first.” 

Jensen is momentarily devoid of thought as dazzling hazel eyes gaze warmly at him. Luckily, Sophia takes mercy on him and comes to the rescue.

“Okay, well, why don’t you ask your dad to call Jensen and they can talk about it,” she says happily to Jared.

“I could pay you,” Jensen says stiffly, and Sophia hits him again. 

“Just give him your phone number, dummy,” she whispers, and Jensen fishes for his business card. 

“Uh, yeah, just have your dad call me,” he stammers. “If it’s okay, you can start next week.”

Jared’s muddy fingers smudge the edges of the card as he plucks it from Jensen’s outstretched hand. Normally, something like that would make Jensen cringe, but instead, it tugs at something inside of him and he ends up smiling sheepishly. 

As he’s walking away, Sophia’s teasing laughter tickling at the back of his neck, he’s completely baffled. He fleetingly imagines the way Mike would ride him mercilessly for losing his cool back there. The truth is, he’s not even sure what just happened. The Jensen Ackles who operates one of the most diversified communications companies in the nation, just hired a complete stranger without so much as a background check. Hell, he didn’t even bother to get the guy’s last name. 

When he steps over onto his own driveway again, he turns to find Jared still smiling at him with that same wide toothed grin. He offers a curt, self conscious salute, and watches a blush creep over the boy’s innocent face. He doesn’t know why it makes him shiver. 

A dried dandelion stem pokes the bottom of his foot and he jumps back like he’s been bitten. 

He eyes the ground suspiciously, waiting for it to make another move. A warm breeze flutters by, making even the dried blades of grass dance.

“I do like you, you know,” he mutters in its general direction and then scowls at himself. 

Back inside the house, he cracks open a bottle of beer and frowns at the stack of files still open on his dining table. The house is silent save for the ticking of a clock on the wall. Instead of going right back to work, he walks from room to room, throwing the drapes and windows open to let in all of the natural light. Satisfied, he settles back into this chair and looks around at his house. He’s managed to furnish it only sparingly over the two years that he’s lived in it, but it still feels like home. 

Sighing heavily, he flips open his laptop and starts to work.

***** 

Jared’s bouncing from one foot to the other as he watches his father set the phone back down on the desk. He’s been nervous and excited ever since he got home and told his dad all about Jensen and his large, but overly neglected yard. His momma hovers behind him, her lips pursed together in an unhappy pout.

“Well, he seems nice enough,” Gerry says and Jared lets out a happy little squeak.

“But, Gerald, what would a man like Mr. Ackles want with our Jared?” his momma asks, wringing her hands.

“Exactly what he said, Momma,” his daddy responds. “He needs a gardener.” 

His mother’s frown deepens.

“I just don’t like it,” she says, shaking her head slowly from side to side. “Sending him out to work in people’s yards like some hired hand just seems wrong.”

“Jared’s not just a hired hand,” his daddy counters, “he loves plants and he’s really good with them too.”

Jared feels warm all over and his skin is buzzing with awareness as his daddy smiles at him. Daddy’s the only one that doesn’t treat him like he’s not there, even when he’s talking to someone else.

“You said Ms. Bush brought Jensen over to meet you, right son?” his father asks, hazel eyes so much like his own regarding him with trust and understanding.

“Uh huh,” he says, nodding his head so forcefully both his parent turn into big blurs of color. “She said he was her friend.”

His daddy turns back toward Momma with a hopeful grin.

“The extra money will come in handy,” his daddy tells his mother, “and he really wants to do it, don’t you son?”

Jared nods again, eyes shut so tight everything turns white behind his eyelids. He’s wishing so hard that he doesn’t even hear his momma’s response. His dad claps him on the shoulder to get his attention and, when he opens his eyes again, she’s already left the room.

“Relax, boy,” Gerry laughs, “you nod any harder and your head might fall right off.”

Jared giggles. He does feel a little bit lightheaded after all. 

“So, you wanna tell me what’s so special about this garden?” His father asks.

Jared stops to picture the place in his mind. He feels rather than sees the sad, dried shrubs as well as the life still contained within. Then, he sees Jensen looking back at him through brilliant green eyes.

“I like him,” he says simply.

“Him?” 

“Jensen.” 

“Oh,” his father says, sounding rather surprised, “not the gladiolas?”

“Dad,” he says, rolling his eyes, “Jensen doesn’t have any gladiolas.” 

“I see,” his daddy responds. “Is there anything in particular you like about him?”

“He has pretty eyes,” he answers, “they’re almost the same color as new grass.”

“Huh,” his daddy says, cocking his head to one side as he gazes up at Jared. 

“Huh?” Jared parrots, not sure what Daddy is asking this time.

His father clears his throat and wraps a protective arm around his shoulders.

“You know, son, in all the times I’ve asked, you’ve never described a person before. I’ll bet you don’t even remember what color Ms. Bush’s hair is, or whether or not Mrs. O’Hara wears glasses.”

Jared frowns. He’s never really thought about any of those things before. He can picture each of them in his mind, but they’ve never spoken to him as loudly as their flowers do.

He shrugs, not really understanding why those things might be important.

“So, you like Jensen,” his daddy laughs, and Jared is happy again.

“Uh huh,” he beams, “his grass doesn’t like him much but it’ll change its mind once Jensen starts smiling more. He doesn’t smile enough.”

~*~ Chapter 2 ~*~

Jared’s hopping from one foot to the other, rapping on the door with the same staggered rhythm. It’s like a game to see how many times he can go without losing his balance. The wind whistles through the trees behind him and he stifles a giggle at its playfulness.

On the other side, he hears a murmured curse and shuffling of feet before a lone branch, brown and weatherworn, slaps against the side of the house. He frowns at it, mimicking his momma’s reproachful look and it seems to retreat back toward its home. He smiles gleefully, catching his tongue between his teeth to keep from answering back. 

A second later, there’re are a series of clicks as the locks are being haphazardly thrown and the door flies open.

“What the fuck! It’s 7 in the goddamn morning,” Jensen yells in his general direction but the angry scowl disappears when he sees Jared standing there.

He watches as Jensen’s adam’s apple bobs up and down while the man swallows back the rest of the words he had planned to say.

“Jared,” Jensen stammers, much softer now, “dude, what the hell? You know it’s not Monday, right?”

“I know.” Jared smiles back sheepishly. “I just wanted to get started. That’s okay, right? You’re not mad?”

Jensen shuffles his feet back and forth across the threshold a few times and runs his fingers through his spiky hair. It’s a self conscious gesture that Jared watches and memorizes to replay over and over in his mind. 

“Um, no, I’m not mad,” Jensen replies, clearing his throat. 

Jared watches the uneven rise and fall of Jensen’s chest as the man takes in a couple of deep breaths.

“Come in,” Jensen says, stepping aside to allow Jared through. “I’ll just go... Yeah, I’ll be right back.”

He watches as Jensen pads across the wooden floor in nothing but pajama bottoms and bare feet. He’s seen Jeff naked and his father’s bare pot belly, but Jensen’s skin is smooth and fair with a smattering of freckles across his shoulders that are utterly fascinating. He follows the line of Jensen’s spine as it dips below the waistband of his pajamas and ends at his firm, round behind. The early morning sunlight catches on the wiry golden hairs on Jensen’s forearms. It makes his skin glow and him look almost like an angel.

Jensen is beautiful. 

The air feels charged with energy and Jared bounces on the tips of his toes with barely concealed joy. It’s already warm inside, despite the early hour, so he peels off his outer shirt as he waits for Jensen to come back. He’s already a little bit distracted by his plans for the day, anxious to see the smile on Jensen’s face when his garden returns to life. 

Jensen comes back wearing running shoes, laces flopping with every step he takes. Jared’s momma always scolds him when his laces aren’t tied and it makes him worry that Jensen might fall, but Jensen keeps walking without having to look down so he must not really care. 

He’s still staring at Jensen’s feet when they’re standing toe to toe.

“Jared?” Jensen’s soft voice breaks through his thoughts and he blushes just a little bit. “There are some tools out back. I can show you if you want.”

Jensen doesn’t sound impatient like his momma sometimes when she catches him staring at the floor. He’s still embarrassed anyway and just a little bit scared, especially since he was silly and told Jensen the thing about his grass. He learned a long time ago that people don’t like it when he says things like that. 

He peers out from behind his bangs, just in case Jensen is hiding his anger. Nobody in his family is very good at that, especially Megan, but a long time ago, when he was still going to school, he had a teacher that never yelled, even when she was boiling mad inside. 

But Jensen is only standing there regarding him with questioning eyes, and he’s reminded again of new blades of grass in the early morning sunshine. It’s weird, looking into the eyes of a stranger and not feeling frightened. It’s kind of like how he feels when he’s outside and the wind is telling him a story. 

He smiles brightly and watches with amazement as Jensen’s eyes light up just the same. It makes him feel warm all over and happy.

“Okay, come on,” Jensen says, “it’s just right over here.”

He follows as they walk out the back door. Already, he can feel how excited the trees and the grass are that someone is out to keep them company. 

_Shhhh,_ he says loudly in his head, _I promise to take care of you,_ and the wind settles down in carefree anticipation.

The sun kisses Jensen’s bare shoulders as they make their way across the back yard toward a little shed out back. The grass is too long here and almost as dry. In his mind, he sees where flower beds would be good friends and how the overgrown trees on the side would give good shade. He feels the heat on his arms and through his worn tank top. It’s going to be a good day.

Jensen stops and unlocks the heavy padlock on the door with a rusty old key. 

“The previous owner left this behind,” Jensen says as he swings the big doors wide open. “I’m sure you can make use of it. You’d never know it, but this place used to be really beautiful.”

“It’s still beautiful,” he responds, seeing the wistful look on Jensen’s face, “just hiding.”

He peers into the tool shed, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. Inside, there’s every kind of trowel, shovel and pruning shear he’s ever seen. There are even a few things he doesn’t know what to do with. 

“Wow,” he says, completely in awe of the tools so lovingly placed on their shelves. He wants to touch every single one of them.

There’s still dried dirt on the ends of a few pieces and he instinctively knows that someone devotedly cared for this garden once. It makes him all the more determined to make it a happy place again. 

He hears Jensen chuckle behind him.

“I’ll let you get a feel for the place,” Jensen says softly. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Jensen,” he says reverently, because he’s never been trusted with such precious things before.

For a second, he thinks Jensen wants to say something more, but instead, the man turns and trudges back into the house, leaving him standing there with so many choices he doesn’t know what to do first. He closes his eyes and lets his hands float in mid air, waiting for some sort of guidance. When his fingers light on the long handle of the old lawnmower, he smiles. 

“Okay,” he says out loud, not really sure who’s listening, and drags the heavy thing all the way out to the driveway in front.

*

It takes him about an hour, after getting the thing running, to cut through the entire front and side lawn. The sun’s beating down on him mercilessly and he’s covered in sweat and grass clippings. He sets the mower on the side and goes back to look for something to rake with when Jensen emerges through the back door again.

He’s surprised to see that the man has changed into jeans and a light blue t-shirt since it’s Sunday and he figured Jensen looked sleepy enough to go right back to bed. Jensen looks crisp and clean, though, like he just got out of the shower and, when he gets closer, he even smells like soap.

“You’re working hard,” Jensen says with a smile. “I was gonna have some breakfast. You wanna, maybe, take a little break?”

Jared nods vigorously. He doesn’t really need a break but people don’t usually talk to him so he doesn’t know how to say ‘no’ when Jensen asks.

“Okay,” Jensen shrugs, “come on in the kitchen then.”

He washes up in the sink when Jensen points to it, feeling guilty for getting dirt on the counter. His momma would purse her lips and immediately try to wipe it away but Jensen just dismisses it like it’s not even there.

Jared breathes in deep to the smell of bacon. It’s been such a long time since he’s had any since his daddy’s not allowed to eat that kind of food anymore. It reminds him of home, though, and Sunday mornings when Momma would wake them all up early to eat breakfast together. 

“I hope you like pancakes,” Jensen says, “I didn’t really have a lot of ingredients lying around.”

Jared twirls around and lets he eyes go wide over the big stack of fluffy pancakes on the table. 

“I love pancakes,” he whispers, so happy he can barely keep it inside.

“Well, go ahead and dig in, then,” Jensen responds.

There’s orange juice and pancakes and crispy bacon, just how he likes it. Jared empties half the bottle of maple syrup over the top and watches it run off the sides and onto the table. It’s all of his favorites, even better than what his momma makes and, even though he feels guilty for thinking that, he devours it like he hasn’t eaten in days. 

He forgets where he is for a moment, savoring the gooey goodness of syrup and buttery pancakes, until Jensen’s voice pulls him right back in.

“You always work on Sunday?” Jensen asks. 

“No, not all the time,” he answers, quickly trying to swallow an overly large bite, “but it’s better than staying at home by myself.”

He watches as Jensen takes a sip of his coffee. He has a bit of a frown on just like Daddy when he can’t quite make the words all fit in the crossword puzzle. 

“What about your parents?” Jensen inquires softly, “Don’t you live with them?”

“Uh huh,” he replies happily chewing on a piece of bacon, “Meggie and Jeff don’t live with us anymore, but Momma and Daddy do.”

“And they don’t stay home with you on weekends?” Jensen goes on.

“Oh no,” he laughs out loud, “Momma and Daddy go to church on Sundays.”

“What’s the matter, don’t you like going to church?” Jensen teases, making Jared laugh.

“I don’t really mind, but Momma told Daddy she doesn’t like the way people look at me so they don’t make me go anymore.”

“Huh,” Jensen mutters and his frown deepens.

Jared bites his bottom lip. Jensen’s so still as he stares back at him that he knows he did something wrong. A bead of sweat trickles down his cheek and hits his chest just above the neckline of his tank top. Jensen’s eyes move to follow it before fixating on his face again.

“You've got something on your chin, buddy,” Jensen says softly.

His cheeks flare with embarrassment and he feels hot all over, but when he glances back up, Jensen is just grinning at him. He remains frozen in place while Jensen reaches over with a napkin to wipe the wayward dollop of syrup away.

He can’t remember being touched by anyone other than his family except for when the doctors poked and prodded at him, but that was a long time ago. He can’t help but gaze back in wonder at Jensen’s long eyelashes and the full curve of his lips.

“You're really pretty,” he blurts out without thinking.

Jensen bristles and sits back stiffly in his chair. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, letting his fork clatter to the table. “Please don’t be mad. I know I say things sometimes that make people scared of me.”

Through the fringe of his bangs, he watches Jensen lick his lips and sigh. 

“I’m not scared of you, Jared,” Jensen whispers softly, offering an almost shy smile. 

Jared beams back, not even trying to disguise his relief.

*

It’s nearly 4:30 when Jensen calls him back in the house again. In one day, he’s managed to get the grass to a manageable level and clear out most of the big ugly weeds choking the good plants. He’s wet from the leaky water hose and muddy from head to toe, but so very happy. He feels the contentedness of the place starting to creep in and it makes him feel good all over. Even Jensen is calmer and less nervous when he’s outside now. 

“Give this to your dad, okay?” Jensen says, pressing a white envelope into Jared’s palm. “It’s got my address and payment for today in there.”

“Okay,” Jared replies, “I won’t forget.”

Jensen claps him on the back in a friendly way and Jared laughs out loud.

“Is it okay if I come back tomorrow?” he asks.

“If you want to, sure,” Jensen answers, “I won’t be here, though. I have to work.”

“That’s okay,” he nods. He’ll miss Jensen’s quiet presence but he wants more than anything to make the garden pretty again. Pretty for Jensen.

Jensen shrugs, fishes into his pocket, and produces a rusty old key.

“You’ll need this then,” Jensen says. 

He must have looked kind of silly, maybe his tongue was hanging out, or his face was scrunched up, because Jensen wiggles it in front of him with a laugh.

“It’s for the tool shed, Jared,” he chuckles.

He’s too scared to even put his hand out, not having ever been trusted with anything so important before.

“Um, I don’t know if I can...”

Jensen reaches for his hand and drops the key in the center of his palm anyway. 

Jared squeezes it really tight, so tight it digs grooves right into his hand. 

“I won’t lose it,” he chokes out.

“I know you won’t.”

He wants to say more, to tell Jensen that rose bushes in the front yard will make everything seem happier or even that there’s an apple tree in the backyard that’ll give him lots and lots of juicy apples at the end of next summer if he clears away the shrubbery around it, but someone beeps a horn out front and he knows he can’t stay.

“That’s Meggie. I have to go,” he says.

“Meggie?”

“My little sister,” he answers even though he’s already running down the driveway toward the car. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you, Jensen!”

***** 

 

It’s been less than one week but the place already looks different, at least that’s what Jensen thinks as he stands in the middle of his front yard as the late afternoon sun warms his back. So what if he left the office a bit early, it’s Friday after all, and he only used up half a tank of gas driving in traffic to get home. It’s not like he was hoping to see Jared or anything. 

He barely gets a glimpse of the guy as he’s bent over the bare earth, hands muddy, and dirt smudges across his forehead, before Jared’s ride is whisking him away. He cranes his neck to catch a glimpse of the driver but whomever he or she is, they’re in an awfully big hurry to get home, and he doesn’t get more than Jared’s excited wave as the car pulls away. 

He doesn’t know what he really expected to happen. Except for a midweek phone call to Jared’s father to thank him for the work and promise payment at the end of the week, he hasn’t had any contact at all with the Padalecki family. He shrugs. At least he knows the guy’s last name now.

It’s funny, but he’s never noticed the way the planters around the front of his house curve in a big wave. They’re empty now, probably waiting for Jared to plant some fresh new flowers in them. Jared’s also cleared away all the weeds and overgrown bushes. Even the trees have been trimmed to reveal the gorgeous windows that made the house look so charming in the first place. 

It’s not like him to feel so sentimental but the house is starting to feel like a home again.

“Told you he could work miracles,” Sophia says, stepping up to stand beside him.

“Yeah, who’da thought.”

*

He’s just finished loading the dishwasher when his cell phone buzzes against the dining room table. It’s been a hellish week, mainly due to KQRX’s harried management team flying in from Phoenix to contribute to the negotiations. If anything, he’s learned to never let Mike handle a project on his own ever again. JD was less than pleased, but at the end of the week, the outcome was good so everyone went home happy.

He jogs over to the table and grabs his phone without even glancing at the caller ID.

“Jensen Ackles.”

“Honey, why do you sound out of breath?” his mother asks and Jensen has to smile.

“I was in another room, Momma,” he answers, dropping down onto the couch for what he knows will be another long phone call.

“You work too hard, baby,” she says. “There’s more to life than making money.”

“I know that, Momma,” he laughs. 

It’s not like they don’t have this very same conversation at least every other week. At least, he’s not actually _at work_ this time.

“And you know how I don’t like you driving all that way in the middle of the night,” she continues. “Why in the world you had to go and find a place so far from the city, I’ll never understand.”

“Well, you’ll be happy to hear that I’m already at home tonight,” he says proudly, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table.

“Oh?” 

He can almost hear the click click click as her mind digests this new information. 

“Is Danneel there? Are you going out on a date tonight?” she asks cheerfully, and he imagines that she’s already making plans for a garden wedding.

The truth is, he regrets ever telling her about Danneel in the first place because she never stops hounding him about meeting her. Ever since his brother, Josh, got married she’ll say, “one down, two to go” and it makes him cringe every time. It’s not like he’s averse to the idea of marriage and a family. In fact, he misses all those Sunday barbeques at his Grandma’s house. If he had to be completely honest with himself, it’s just that he’s not really ready to settle down yet. And, maybe, knowing that Danneel isn’t the right girl might have something to do with it too. 

Oh, she’s a beautiful woman, alright, and sweet, at least when she wants to be. The thing is, though, there’s a hollowness about her that sometimes leaves him feeling empty. Most of the time, the great sex makes up for all of that, but not always, and he’s grateful for the long breaks they have in between.

“No, Momma,” he replies, “Danneel is in Vancouver filming a movie.”

“Jensen, when are you gonna bring that girl home to meet us?”

He sighs. It’s the same every time.

“I don’t really know,” he answers, “I don’t even know when I’ll get to come down again.”

“You need to make time, sweetie,” she chides. “What’s the point of being in charge if you can’t give yourself a day off once in a while.”

“It’s not exactly that simple,” he says with a tired laugh. 

She chuckles softly on the other end, probably just as exasperated over having to rehash the same subjects over and over again. 

“Well, if you don’t have a date, why are you at home?” she asks, “Are you sick or something, baby?”

“No, I’m fine,” he assures her, “just been having some work done on the house and I wanted to get home in time to see it in daylight.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful, dear,” she says.

He settles back as she slowly relaxes into talking about her own week for a change, bringing him up to date on his father’s latest escapade on the golf course and his sister’s latest boyfriend. He listens with the detachment of someone who hasn’t lived at home for way too long, indulging in her need to keep him close even though he’s miles away. 

At one point, his mind begins to wander and he pictures Jared laboring under the hot midday sun. He doesn’t know how the guy’s been able to tame the tangled mess of his yard but, in just a short time, it looks like new. 

“Honey, I hope you’re planning on calling Danneel tonight while it’s still early,” his mother says, interrupting his thoughts. “Oh, I have an idea, why don’t you fly up to Vancouver and surprise her tomorrow afternoon? It’s a short flight, isn’t it?”

“Mom, you do realize Vancouver is in Canada, right?”

“Of course, I do. I can read a map as well as the next person.”

“Yeah, well, I already have plans for the weekend,” he says, hoping to divert her attention in any way possible. 

“Plans? With whom?”

“Jared,” he says casually, “he’s the guy that’s landscaping my yard.”

“I see,” she says curtly, “well, just make sure you wear sunscreen, baby, you know how quickly you freckle.”

 

***** 

Jared skips along the sidewalk, counting the blocks of cement as he goes along. In his backpack, there’s a change of clothes and his favorite book about flowers. He closes his eyes and makes a wish that Jensen will be home today so that he can show him the pretty pictures and tell him about how his garden wants to be.

Over the week, he’s worked meticulously to clear away all the bad, cutting back the overgrown shrubs and branches, pulling out weeds, and making room for something fresh and new underneath to grow. Now, it just needs a little bit of water and the healing sun to bring it back to life.

As each day passes he feels the contentment growing, the silent “thank you” in the air, like taking in a deep breath for the very first time. All that’s left now is to fill in the empty spaces with color. He knows the trees are already excited about the new voices that’ll be coming soon. He feels their buzzing like electricity underneath his skin. 

He can’t wait to tell Jensen about it. 

Jensen is a busy man. He’s like Jeff who can’t seem to find his smiles anymore because he has too many things to think about all the time. The problem is that Jensen leaves his house too early in the morning, before the sun even kisses the ground. If he would wait just a little while longer, he’d have more smiles for the day. Jared’s sure of that. 

He rounds the corner and sees Jensen’s driveway. It’s almost 7 a.m. and the sun is already high in the sky, casting shadows along the tree-lined path. He feels the familiar warmth on his face and shoulders like a silent welcome, and when he looks, he sees Jensen’s car parked in front of the garage.

He feels giddy, almost ready to burst with excitement, because he’s waited all week and now he gets to share something very special. The best part is that he knows Jensen will understand and that he’ll want to be a part of it too. He knows this because Jensen isn’t like all the others. Jensen is different, he just doesn’t know it yet.

He trips up the front steps and raps lightly on the door. One Two. Three times, expecting Jensen to be sleepy-eyed and grumpy like the last time. Instead, the door swings open and Jensen is staring back at him with bright green eyes and a big smile. It lights him up inside.

There’s that luscious smell of bacon again, mixed with something sweet and Jared’s stomach rumbles loudly.

“Pancakes?” he whispers and then pinches his lips together with his fingertips to keep from squealing. He can already tell from the way Jensen is nodding that the answer is yes.

“Thought you might want something to eat before you get started,” Jensen says, stepping aside to let Jared enter. 

The house is light and airy this time, mostly because Jensen has all of the curtains and windows thrown wide open. A slight breeze ruffles through, tickling his senses like laughter. He didn’t really get a chance to look around before, but now he sees dark wood and cream-colored shades with a smattering of bright here and there. He can feel the loneliness in everything around him, though, not because Jensen is rarely home, but because _of_ Jensen. It makes him sad, but only just a little bit, because he’s already determined to make everything different.

Jensen is wearing faded jeans that are so threadbare in places, Jared can see skin underneath. His momma scolds him all the time about wearing clothes with holes in them, but he knows how good it feels to put on something soft and familiar. He wonders if Jensen’s momma would scold him too if she knew. Maybe he’s just lucky she can’t see him right now. 

Jared watches the way the light plays across Jensen’s gray t-shirt as he follows him across the wooden floor to the kitchen. He’s momentarily distracted by the pull of fabric across muscled shoulders and the short sandy blonde hairs at the back of Jensen’s neck. Jensen’s waist is so thin, he thinks his arms could fit twice around, but then, Momma always tells him he’s too big anyway. Jensen is almost as tall as he is, but his arms aren’t too long and his feet aren’t too big, the way his are.

The kitchen is warm, bright, and filled with so many delicious aromas. He slides into a chair, right in front of a steaming plate of bacon and scrambled eggs. 

“Pancakes are almost ready,” Jensen says. “Go ahead and start.”

He’s tempted to just dig in, but he wants to wait for Jensen instead. Bouncing in his chair excitedly, mouth watering and tummy growling in anticipation, he watches Jensen flip the last of the pancakes onto a plate.

Jensen looks at him questioningly for a minute when he finally sits down, probably surprised that Jared didn’t dive right into the food. He beams back proudly, knowing he did the right thing when Jensen smiles and extends his hand so that they can say Grace together. 

With a voice that’s deep and resonant, Jensen says his thanks and Jared is certain that God must have heard the reverent prayer. He echoes his thanks silently, not just for the food before him, but for bringing him Jensen too.

He’s about to dig in, fork poised in mid-air, when he feels a gentle hand on his forearm.

“Here,” Jensen says tentatively, “put your napkin in your lap so you don’t get food on your clothes.”

Jensen pauses before reaching over to lay the napkin over his thighs. Jared’s stunned by the feel of that warm, dry palm against his skin, and the casual brush of Jensen’s arm across his body. There’s a strange tickle somewhere deep in his belly and then a warm flush from his head down to his toes.

Lips pursed in concentration, he watches Jensen’s graceful movement as he spreads butter and syrup onto his pancakes before biting into a narrow slice. Jared copies the motion, hesitating when he thinks he wants to pour on more of his favorite maple. 

“You can add more if you want,” Jensen says, reading his thoughts.

He really wants to, but his desire to please Jensen wins out instead so, replacing the bottle on the table, he takes an experimental taste. It’s not as sweet, of course, but the pancakes are fluffy and buttery-tasting on the inside. 

“I like it,” he laughs, surprised at his own revelation. 

They eat together in companionable silence, Jared trying to carefully mirror Jensen’s movements, if only to see Jensen’s delighted smile. 

“You’ve done a great job with the place,” Jensen says once they’d gone through about half of the pancakes and most of the eggs and bacon. “I’m really impressed.”

Jared blushes under the praise. The people that he helps always say nice things, but it feels different somehow when Jensen says it. 

“I want to show you pictures of what your garden wants to be,” he says shyly. “Do you want to see?”

“Absolutely!”

Jensen clears a spot on the table between them and Jared happily jumps for the backpack he left carelessly on the floor. Pulling out the big book, he fingers the pages excitedly for a moment, barely able to contain his enthusiasm.

“This is my favorite book,” he states. “My daddy gave it to me.”

The book is worn around the edges and some of the pages are smudged with dirt, but to him it’s just as beautiful as the first day Daddy sat down with him to look at it.

“This,” he says, pointing eagerly to a colorful photograph, “this goes in the front by the house.”

“Roses?” Jensen asks, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “roses. Red and some yellow and pink ones on the side.”

“Okay.”

“And Sweet Dreams under the windows on the side of the house,” he continues, confident now that Jensen isn’t putting up a fuss, “and Daylilies in the back.”

“Cool.”

Jared nods back, suddenly a little choked up over Jensen’s trust and easy acceptance. He can always see things so clearly in his mind, like the pictures are placed there from somewhere else. Most of the time, though, he has to pretend that he doesn’t know the way things are supposed to be, and settle for what he’s told to do instead. 

“It’s going to be really pretty, Jensen,” he whispers, “and happy too.”

“So, uh, does this mean the grass won’t be mad at me anymore?” Jensen asks teasingly.

Jared throws his head back and lets the laughter bubble right out. 

“No more poking you when you walk by,” he chortles.

“Well, that’s a relief.”

Jensen is smiling at him, eyes crinkling at the corners, and Jared knows he really means what he says. A lot of times, he feels like people make fun of him, but he knows that Jensen isn’t doing that.

“I guess this means we need to make a trip to the garden shop,” Jensen says. “Better get started if we want to pick up everything today.”

“You gonna go with me?” he asks incredulously.

“Well, yeah,” Jensen replies, “how else were you planning to getting all of this?”

“You’re not too busy?” 

“Ah,” Jensen shrugs, “work will wait for me to get home. Come on, let’s do this.”

Jared beams with delight. It’s going to be a great day.

*

Jensen’s car smells like leather and spicy cologne. It only takes a minute for the air conditioner to cool the inside and, when the windows are all the way up, it’s extra quiet as they drive down the road to his favorite nursery. 

His friend, Steve, greets them when the pull into the parking lot, shaking hands with Jensen and shooting teasing looks his way.

“You working on another big project, Jared?” Steve asks and he nods back happily.

“Jensen’s house,” he says simply.

Steve pauses, eyeing both Jensen and his expensive car. 

“Alright then,” Steve addresses Jensen, “and what are you looking for today?”

His companion holds his hands up in front of him and takes a step backward.

“Oh no,” Jensen says, “this is completely Jared’s show. I’m just the owner of the credit card.”

There’s a gleam in Steve’s eye as he nods his approval and Jared is very proud. 

“Good man,” Steve whispers, patting Jensen on a shoulder, “you’ve made the right decision.”

They follow Steve all the way to the very back of the shop and Jared nearly swoons over the fresh, healthy plants surrounding them. The smell of the earth and green leaves are wonderfully overwhelming and he can feel the way everything seems to perk up around him. 

The excitement in the air is nearly intoxicating and he can sense Jensen unknowingly picking up on it too when he orders some ficus trees to be delivered for the back yard. Jared finds everything he needs, seeing colors swimming before his eyes, as Steve helps them load the plants into the back of Jensen’s Range Rover. They even get a few bags of fertilizer and an invitation to visit again at the beginning of the next season.

*

Jensen is radiating contentment and Jared feels it like it’s his own. 

“You’re going to be really happy, Jensen,” he says finally, “you’ll see. When everything’s done, it’ll feel right and maybe you won’t be so lonely anymore.”

He sees Jensen frown and grip the steering wheel a little bit tighter, and for a second, he thinks he can’t breathe out of fear that he ruined the moment. 

“I’m sorry,” he says miserably, “I say the wrong thing sometimes.”

“No, it’s okay,” Jensen says, green eyes turning to gaze at him, “you don’t have to worry about what you say around me.”

He wishes he could curl into a ball and hide. Jensen’s voice is soft and soothing but he’s still too scared to move.

“Hey,” Jensen says, dropping a gentle hand on his shoulder to get his attention, “you wanna stop for some ice cream on the way home? I think we deserve it.”

He nods hesitantly and doesn’t let go of the breath he’d been holding until Jensen smiles back with his eyes.

 

The ice cream shop is on a crowded corner. Jensen parks the car under a shady tree and they quickly snag a table in front. Jared orders the biggest banana split on the menu and chews greedily on the cherry the minute it’s set in front of him. 

A couple of times, Jensen reaches over to wipe chocolate sauce and melted ice cream from his chin. At first, he’s afraid that Jensen is angry about how messy he is, but Jensen only says, “slow down, buddy” and continues eating his own sundae. He tries to eat a little bit slower and discovers that he can actually taste it better that way.

“You two are so sweet together,” someone says behind him, and he turns to find two men watching them with adoring smiles.

“Thanks,” Jensen replies stiffly. Jared can tell that Jensen is embarrassed about something but he doesn’t know what it is. 

A few seconds later, he notices the two men giggle and inch a little bit closer to one another. They’re sharing one big bowl between them, alternately feeding each other spoonfuls of ice cream and kissing each other on the lips.

“They’re kissing,” Jared blurts out and Jensen nearly drops his spoon.

“Yes, they are,” Jensen says, trying to recover his composure.

“One time, we came home and Meggie was in her bedroom with a boy,” Jared announces. “They were lying on the bed and kissing.”

“Oh really?” 

“Uh huh. Momma screamed and made me go to my room but I saw.”

Jensen seems to want to hold in his laughter with the hand he’s covering his mouth with.

“Meggie told me that she really liked the boy and that’s why she kissed him,” he continues thoughtfully, “but then she didn’t seem to want to kiss him after that.”

Jensen looks at him for a long moment and then says, “Well, I guess it’s important that you really like somebody if you’re going to kiss them.”

Jared nudges Jensen’s shoulder and whispers, “I guess that means those guys _really_ like each other then.”

*

They work together for the rest of the afternoon, laying fertilizer and preparing the soil for planting. They’re both exhausted by the end of the day, covered in both dirt and sweat. 

The birds chirp happily from their perches as the breeze flutters through the leaves and he sees Jensen lift his face toward the sound. He stops and waits. Jensen listens, a little smile playing at the corners of his mouth. That enigmatic look tells him that Jensen doesn’t quite understand the song yet, but Jared knows he will someday.

He’s still studying Jensen’s face when the man turns an engaging smile his way.

“The sun’s about to go down,” Jensen says finally, breaking the spell. “Who’s picking you up today?”

“I’m supposed to catch the bus. Meggie has a date.” 

He doesn’t mean to, but his face scrunches up as he says that last word. 

“What’s the matter? Don’t like her boyfriend?” Jensen asks.

“He’s okay, I guess,” he pouts.

Jensen chuckles, patting him on the back reassuringly. “Come on,” he says, “let’s get cleaned up and then I’ll drive you home.”

It’s takes only a few minutes to put everything away, and then Jared follows Jensen into the house.

“I need to change my clothes,” he says. “Don’t wanna mess up your nice car.”

“You have a change of clothes? Take a shower then, you’ll feel better,” Jensen remarks. “I wanna shower off too anyway.”

Jensen leads him to a bathroom halfway down the hall. He hovers around the door awkwardly as Jensen takes out a set of fluffy white towels and lays them on the closed toilet lid next to the tub. 

“I’ll be in the bedroom right over there,” Jensen says. “You set here?”

He stands there mutely, chewing on his bottom lip. He knows how to bathe by himself but he’s never had to do this part alone before. Jensen seems to be trying really hard to read his thoughts. For a moment, he wishes he were like the wind who can say things without words. 

“Here,” Jensen says finally, taking his hand and leading him to toward the shower, “pull it out like this to start the water running and then just move this thing toward red for hot, and blue for cold until it feels just right. Just push it in to turn it off, okay?”

He hesitates, hand poised above the knob.

“Just try it,” Jensen urges, “you’ll be fine.”

“I know how to take a bath by myself,” he says.

“I know,” Jensen responds and then steps back to give him enough room to move about on his own.

He swallows. The knob pulls out easily and water pours from the shower head like rain. 

“I did it,” he whispers, turning to look at his new friend, “I did it myself.”

“You sure did, buddy,” Jensen replies softly. “Come and find me when you’re done, okay?”

He nods happily, letting his fingers dance beneath the warm water for a few seconds more. He hears the door close quietly behind him and he’s left alone for the first time all day. The sound of water pelting against the shower curtain echoes through the empty room. It’s loud, like a freak summer storm in the middle of hot day. 

He undresses quickly and steps under the warm water, lets it envelop him in comforting heat. The water turns brown as it pools around his toes, washing away a hard day’s work. The memories remain fresh in his mind, though, Jensen flipping pancakes, Jensen picking out colors for this rose garden, Jensen wiping melted ice cream off of his chin, Jensen with hands covered in mud, and Jensen’s eyes, reflecting nothing but trust and understanding as he steps through the bathroom door. He catalogs each moment and files it away for safe keeping. 

*

Jared steps out into the hallway, squeaky clean and smelling like soap. Outside, the sun’s barely dropped below the horizon and the house is washed in murky shades of gray. He hears Jensen shuffling around in his bedroom, and he’s drawn toward the sound. 

There’s an innate calmness about the way Jensen moves about the room, even in the way he pulls a t-shirt over his head. It’s a kind of measured certainty, as though he’s absolutely confident of his surroundings. Jared understands. It’s the way he feels when he’s outside with his hands buried in the soil. 

He clutches his wet towel to his chest, feeling too big and a little out of place in a room that is clearly Jensen’s private domain. 

“I... um, don’t know where to put this,” he says, hating the sound of his voice as it breaks the peaceful silence in the room.

“You could’ve just left it in the bathroom,” Jensen replies.

“I didn’t want to do it wrong,” he shrugs, “Momma always gets mad when I don’t put it in the right place.”

“She sounds just like my momma,” Jensen says with a slight shake of his head. “I guess they’re all the same, huh?”

Jared’s eyes go wide with surprise.

“You mean, your momma scolds you if you leave your towel on the floor too?”

“Oh yeah,” Jensen laughs, “and you should hear her go on and on if I leave my clothes lying around.”

Jared gasps, hands clamped over his mouth to keep from shouting, and his legs start to shake like they can barely keep from bouncing up and down. Jensen’s eyes crinkle at the corners as he grins back and Jared feels like he’s floating on air.

“Don’t worry,” Jensen whispers with a wink, “I’ll take care of it.”

Jared hands the towel over and their fingers brush in the process. He feels a shock go through his system at the feel of Jensen’s skin against his and it knocks the breath right out of him. 

“Hey, dude,” Jensen says, tilting his head to the side, “you’re shirt’s getting all wet.”

And then his stomach plummets straight to the floor. He stiffens, chewing on his bottom lip as he waits for the inevitable. He always makes mistakes. Always. Even when he tries so hard not to. 

Strangely, there’s no censure in Jensen’s look as he drapes the towel over Jared’s head to give it a gentle rub down. Jensen’s standing so close, he’s aware of the way Jensen is breathing and the heat that radiates from the man’s body. It actually takes a moment for him to realize that Jensen isn’t even the least bit upset with him, and then he nearly sags with relief, unconsciously moving closer until the two of them are virtually sharing the same air.

“There you go,” Jensen pronounces, stepping back to examine his handiwork.

Jared sways forward, not wanting to break the contact. He’s not sure what he’s feeling but it makes him warm all over and flushed with excitement.

“I like you, Jensen,” he whispers, “I like being with you.”

“I like being with you, too.”

*

He watches Jensen drive with half lidded eyes. It’s become his new favorite thing to do now that he knows Jensen likes him too. He’s a little afraid that Jensen won’t like it if he stares too much so he leans his head back and pretends to sleep. The radio is on low and the melodic sounds are soothing like a lullaby. 

He’s sure there’s been some kind of shift in the atmosphere. He feels it all the way to his toes. Before, there was always something missing, just out of reach, like he’s just a little too late to see what’s really there, but now things are coming into focus, and in the center of it all is Jensen. With Jensen, it’s almost as if they’re in a separate world where time moves slow enough for him to breathe and everything makes sense. 

 

“I think I should go and meet your dad,” Jensen says. “What do you think?”

Jared looks up to the window on the second floor. The light is barely more than a dim glow, indicating his daddy’s already resting.

“Daddy’s sick,” he answers sadly, “he can’t come downstairs very much anymore.” 

“I didn’t know... Has he been ill for a long time?”

Jared nods. 

“Nobody ever tells me anything but I know he’s not getting better.” He takes a deep breath, fighting to keep his throat from closing up. “He hasn’t been able to come outside with me in a really long time.” 

Jensen’s hand squeezes his shoulder. He feels the warmth of that touch seep through his skin until it slowly unwinds the hurt around his heart.

“I tell him about you,” he whispers, “and it makes him smile. I know he’d like you, Jensen.”

Jensen’s smile is a little sad but he nods back slowly.

“I’m sure I’d like him too,” Jensen says.

Jensen hesitates, like there’s something more he’d like to say but can’t find the right words. A moment later, he presses an envelope into Jared’s hand.

“Make sure you give this to him,” Jensen says. His voice sounding scratchy, like it’s been overused even though Jared knows Jensen’s barely said anything at all.

He wants to stay longer, hug Jensen close and make sure his friend isn’t sick, but he’s already at home and he knows that Daddy will want to hear about his day before it gets too late. 

“I won’t forget,” he promises, smiling his most cheerful smile. He hopes it’ll make Jensen feel better somehow. It must work because Jensen’s eyes twinkle when he grins back.

“I know you won’t forget, buddy,” Jensen remarks. “You gonna work on the rose bushes this week?”

He sees a flash of color in his mind and it immediately perks him up again. 

“Yes,” he says dreamily, “the pink ones want to be first, though. They don’t like how the red ones get all the attention.”

That makes Jensen laugh. Jared can feel the rumble coming from deep in Jensen’s chest and he’s glad to know that he can do that. Make Jensen happy. 

“I hate it when that happens,” Jensen chuckles.

“Me too.”

Jensen reaches over to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear and he leans in to the touch.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to help,” Jensen says softly, “work is gonna be pretty intense this week.”

“That’s okay,” he smiles, “I can’t come over every day anyway. Mrs. O’Hara’s begonias need me to check on them. Um, Jensen, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“You don’t need to do it if you don’t want to,” Jared rambles, “I mean, it’s okay if you think it’s stupid...”

“I won’t think it’s stupid. I promise.”

He gazes into Jensen’s eyes. It’s so dark outside, he can’t see their green color anymore but he knows how they match the new leaves on the rose bushes they brought home that afternoon. 

He’s always been different. It’s something he just knew, even before anyone ever told him. Over time, he’s learned that people don’t like it when he says things they don’t understand so he mostly keeps his thoughts to himself. Jensen doesn’t look at him funny, though, not since that first day when he was silly and blurted out the thing about Jensen’s grass not liking him. It wasn’t Jensen’s fault he got scared. He should have been more careful then. 

Now, he thinks Jensen’s ready to hear a little bit of what the wind wants to tell him and, even though he’s a little afraid, he wants to take the risk and tell him. 

“Can you wait until the sun hits the top of the sycamore tree before you leave in the morning?” he asks cautiously, “that way, the trees have a chance to say good morning to you before you leave.”

He sucks in a deep breath, holds it, and waits for Jensen to respond. Jensen looks back at him thoughtfully, searching his eyes for something, though he’s not quite sure what. After a long pause, he nods.

“I can do that,” Jensen replies. 

Jared’s breath rushes out in one great whoosh and he has to fight back the urge to jump into Jensen’s lap to hug him. 

“That’ll be so great!” he exclaims, “you’ll see, Jensen, it’ll make everything so much better.”

He hops out of the car then, giddy with delight, and all of a sudden anxious to tell his daddy about what he’s done. 

“I’ll see you next weekend,” Jensen calls as he starts to walk away. “Take good care of your dad. When he feels better, I’d like to meet him.”

“Okay!” 

He can feel Jensen watching him as he walks to the front door so he turns to wave happily just before going inside. The car roars to life but doesn’t drive away until he’s shut the door safely behind him.

*

He bounds up the stairs, envelope clutched tightly in his hand. He’s been told often enough not to be too noisy when he goes into Daddy’s room so he slows down and tiptoes the rest of way down the hall. Dropping his backpack on the floor in the doorway, he takes a moment to run his finger over Jensen’s lazy scrawl. He recognizes the lettering, _For Jared,_ and knows that Jensen put it there to mean it’s for him. He traces the ink lines again and it’s almost like touching Jensen. Almost.

There’s a glow from a lamp on the bedside table. His dad looks pale but he has a smile for Jared just the same. 

“Daddy, this is from Jensen,” he says, touching the lettering one more time because he’s more than a little reluctant to let it go. 

“That’s good, son. Let me see.”

“I’ll take care of that for you Gerald,” Lauren says, snatching the envelope out of Jared’s hand.

He tries not to scrunch his face up too much because Daddy won’t like seeing him upset, but he doesn’t like the idea of Lauren touching something that’s his. 

“He has quite a nice car,” she says, turning the envelope around in her hand, “I’ll bet he can afford to pay you well.”

“Mr. Ackles has been very generous,” his father responds and then turns his attention fully onto Jared, like he does at the end of every day. “He brought you home, son, that was awfully nice.”

“I told him Meggie had a date and he said he didn’t want me to catch the bus home,” he whispers, crawling onto the bed to cuddle up to his daddy.

“I’m not done giving your father his medication, Jared,” Lauren chides, “and you’ll get the bed dirty. Why don’t you go and clean up first?”

He wants to tell Daddy about the roses and the trip to the garden shop, how Jensen had liked his book, and about the men kissing as they ate ice cream. But those things are not for Lauren. They’re just for Daddy to hear.

“You cleaned up already,” his father says, ruffling his hair.

“Jensen let me take a bath at his house,” he beams, “I did it all by myself.”

“That’s great son,” Gerry says softly, “you’re a big boy, aren’t you?”

“I’ll bet that’s what Jensen says too,” Lauren remarks, and he feels his father’s body go rigid.

“Don’t talk like that,” his dad hisses, “he doesn’t even know what that means.”

“All I’m saying is that it’s a little weird, don’t you think?” she continues, “I mean, what do we really know about this man anyway?”

“Jensen’s nice!” Jared shouts, maybe a little too loudly but he doesn’t care. “He makes me pancakes and he works really hard all the time. And he helped me today, Daddy,” he says urgently, “he even got really dirty just like me.”

“Gerald,” Lauren says, ignoring his outburst completely, “Jeff and I have talked about this and we’re a bit concerned.”

“Jared likes him,” his father responds definitively, “and that’s good enough for me.”

She opens her mouth as if to protest some more but his dad just turns away from her. She stares back at him for a moment, looking somewhat offended at being dismissed, before directing her attention back at Jared.

“You have to leave now,” she says flatly, “I have to finish up here with your father and then he needs his rest.”

He walks out sullenly, wishing that she would go away and that things would go back to the way it was before. It’s been too long since his daddy’s eyes sparkled like the late afternoon sun. Much too long.

~*~ Chapter 3 ~*~

Jensen stares out of his big bay window, coffee cup in hand. He woke up hours before his alarm to look over the financials needed for his early meeting with JD, and his head is swimming with ideas for his presentation even as he stares out unseeing into the darkness. Under normal circumstances, he’d be out the door and on his way to the office to finish his preparations, but Jared made him promise to wait so that’s what he’s doing. 

He takes another sip of his coffee. It’s thick and a little bitter, just the way he likes it, and it’s almost a revelation that he’s never had the pleasure of drinking the entire cup while it’s still hot. Most of the time, he’ll get in one big gulp and leave it to cool while he lets himself be distracted by work or other things. 

The first sounds of the morning bring his attention back to the gradually lightening sky. Through an open window, he hears the birds announcing the start of the day and a dog barking in the distance. The wind rustles the leaves on the trees. It’s not an urgent sound but a gentle movement instead. As his eyes adjust to the change in light, he starts to make out the shapes of the bushes and the branches on the trees while the planters sit empty in front of the house, waiting for the new rose bushes to be planted. 

“Pink first,” he says to nobody but air and giggles to himself for a second. 

He imagines the bursts of color that’ll be there soon enough, all brought to life by Jared’s talented hands. It makes him smile just to think about it. 

He doesn’t move until the sun rises to reach the top of the sycamore tree. It’s a quick few steps to lock up and grab his brief case but, once outside, he stops to look out at his front lawn. Light twinkles between the leaves, almost like a dance. Every blade of grass is a different hue of green and he wonders why he’s never noticed that before. It brings a satisfied smile to his lips as his surroundings infuse him with energy. 

A gentle breeze caresses his face. There’s strength in the quiet serenity of morning. Silently, he vows to visit it every day.

*****

 

Jeffrey Dean Morgan pours himself another cup of coffee, a smug smile playing across his generous lips. 

“This is a pretty sweet deal you’ve laid out here, Jensen,” he remarks, “I’m impressed.”

Jensen tips his head to the side in acknowledgement, trying to contain his self-satisfaction. 

“I thought you’d be pleased,” he responds casually, leaning back in his chair.

Jeff looks him over, stroking his beard thoughtfully.

“Gotta hand it to you, kid. Pretty clever, distracting Mike with KQRX while brokering this deal on the side. You’re smarter than you look.”

“Thanks,” he snorts, “I think.”

“Seriously, Jensen,” Jeff drawls, “Chicago is a hell of a market. We play this right, we can retire to the Cayman’s before our dicks are too shriveled to enjoy it.”

“Haha, speak for yourself,” he chortles. 

Inside, he knows it’s true. This is more than just a sleepy little small town affiliate, this is the big league. Once this deal goes through, and he has no doubt that it will, Morgan Communications can count itself as one of the media giants with controlling interests in newspaper, TV, and radio in every region of North America. 

“You gonna throw Mike a bone and let him get in on the action?” Jeff teases. “He _is_ your partner, you know.”

“Dude, Mike is a great guy but his mouth gets him in so much trouble,” he grumbles. “He almost blew the KQ sale when he let the station manager in during the negotiations.” He wants to add, _‘It was all I could do to save his ass’_ but that’s not entirely true. Mike would have pulled it out... Eventually.

“Yeah, well, that may be,” Jeff says, “but you’re gonna need some help on this one. Let him take care of the prelims. If there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s schmoozing with clients.”

He nods. Jeff is never wrong about assessing people. That’s what makes him such a good businessman.

“You’ve really done your homework. Must have put in a lot of man hours already,” Jeff muses, sipping at his coffee and appraising Jensen in typical JD fashion. 

“Well, I learned from the best.”

“You don’t need to kiss my ass, boy,” Jeff laughs, “I’m not your professor anymore.”

“Who says I was talking about you?”

Jeff snorts and reclines in his wide-backed chair. Jensen watches the man’s eyes twinkle with mischief, as if trying to come up with an appropriate response. 

Jeff studies his face for a long moment. If he were an insecure person, Jensen would probably be squirming under the examination by now. As it is, the intense scrutiny just makes him curious about the thoughts going through his boss’ mind.

“I know you’ve been working a lot but you look good,” Jeff finally says, “even looks like you’ve been getting some sun.”

Jensen smiles. This is an unexpected change of topic but one he’s willing to explore.

“Spent the weekend doing some gardening,” he says, and waits for the response. He’s not disappointed when Jeff quirks an eyebrow in surprise.

“You? Outside?”

“Well, I’m sure there are indoor gardens somewhere but mine are outside, yes,” he says, feigning exasperation.

“I’m just trying to imagine you outside tending to your little tomato plants or something,” Jeff snickers.

“Actually, they were rose bushes, and I wasn’t actually planting them, just getting the beds ready for them.”

“Oh, that’s rich,” Jeff exclaims, “should I send a film crew?”

“Fuck you.”

They both dissolve into laughter.

“Actually, I hired this kid,” Jensen says once the giggling subsides. “The place was a real mess and he just came in and took control. He’s a miracle worker, man. No kidding.”

“He’s that good, you gotta give me his number,” Jeff says. “They’re looking for a new landscape artist over at my building.”

“Can’t do that,” he says. “It’s kind of complicated. The kid, he’s not really a professional or anything.”

“You mean he’s doing it for free?” Jeff asks.

“No, I mean, he’s sort of...”

“Underage?”

“No.”

“Illegal alien?”

“No.”

“Jensen,” Jeff says, setting his cup onto the desk in front of him, “in all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you at a loss for words before.”

He huffs out a breath. It’s funny how Jared seems to have that effect on him.

“He’s sort of hard to describe,” he mumbles, running a hand through is hair. “I guess you could say he’s... Special.”

“Special,” Jeff repeats. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“Uh, well, he’s mentally challenged, I guess,” Jensen replies and then sits back while Jeff absorbs this new information. 

“Wow, kid, I never knew you were so socially conscious,” Jeff quips. “Is this for some community service thing?”

“No, no, this is completely self-serving,” he replies. “This guy, Jared, he knows just about everything there is to know about plants. It’s like he knows what they’re thinking or something.”

He can see the confusion written all over the other man’s face and it almost makes him want to laugh in response.

“He knows what they’re thinking?” Jeff sniggers, “Are you sure he isn’t pulling one over on you? Maybe he’s faking so you’ll feel sorry for him or something.”

“I know what it sounds like, but he’s the real deal,” he explains. “It’s like his parents didn’t know what to do with him when he started having trouble in school so they just kind of hid him away.”

“But they hire him out as a gardener?”

“Apparently,” Jensen shrugs. “It’s weird, you know? He has trouble with the simplest things, but he can name every tree you drive past, and if you show him how to do something, Bam! He can do it, no problem. Sometimes, I think his folks didn’t give him a fair shake, let him figure out what he’s really capable of...”

“Sounds like you’ve found yourself a pet project,” Jeff muses.

“What? No, it’s not like that,” he protests, “Jared’s not a _project,_ he’s just a really nice guy that’s helping me fix up my place.”

“Whatever you say, kiddo,” Jeff says, easing himself out of his chair. “You know I worry about you sometimes. A man needs companionship once in a while. Me? I prefer it to come in the form a hot-lookin’ female.”

“Don’t let Mary-Louise hear you say that.”

Jeff barks out a laugh. 

“She won’t care as long as I buy her that Lamborghini she wants. Hey, you still seeing that actress? The one that got drunk at that network party?”

“When she’s in town,” he shrugs. “You know how it is, out of sight, out of mind.” 

“Boy, you know if you don’t use it, it’ll fall off, right?” Jeff teases, “You want Mary-Louise to hook you up? She knows a lot of people...”

“Oh, _hell,_ no,” he shouts, “the last girl Mary-Louise set me up with wanted to tie me up and whip me. I think I can take care of my own sex life, thank you.”

“Suit yourself,” Jeff says over his shoulder. When he reaches the door, he turns to flash Jensen his trademark grin. “You know there’s no harm in finding yourself a hobby,” he smirks. “Just make sure you get me Chicago. After that, you can do whatever the hell you want with your life.”

*****

For the next few mornings, Jensen finds himself on the front porch, waiting for sunrise. When the sun peeks out over the horizon, colors emerge from the darkness, and there’s a serenity he can’t find anywhere else in his life. It’s almost like a respite before the chaos of the day. 

By Wednesday, he notices that Jared has planted the last of the rose bushes. Their scrawny stems poke out of the soil like gangly little limbs. In those plain brown branches are the promise of something so beautiful, he closes his eyes to paint their brilliance behind his eyelids, just like he imagines Jared does when he looks at them too. 

There’s a part of him that wishes he could tell Jared what he sees. 

Deep down, he knows he misses the guy. When the wind ripples through the leaves, he hears Jared’s carefree laughter. When sunlight winks through the trees, he sees Jared’s dimpled smile and twinkling hazel eyes. When the branches sway in the breeze, he thinks of Jared’s long floppy hair and his big, capable hands. Most of all, he misses Jared’s limitless enthusiasm and undeniable faith that things will turn out beautiful.

All day long, he’s surrounded by people either kissing his ass or wanting something from him. Choking on their insincerity, he comes home every night to shower away the dirt and grime from his day only to sit up for hours, pouring over paperwork with only the low hum of the TV in the background for company.

It used to be that he loved the thrill of going after something new, of making that bigger and better deal. Jeff would call it _going in for the kill,_ but if he had to put a name to it, he’d have to say it’s more like _annihilating the competition._ That’s what he signed up for, recruited straight out of college by his favorite professor, to turn a small independent company that owned a handful of rural newspapers and radio stations into a multi million dollar communications empire. 

After nearly eight years on the job, even he has to admit that the veneer has lost a bit of its sheen. 

He turns to smile at a sparrow as it sails over the treetops, calling playfully to its companions. When he was a kid, his momma would take him horseback riding out behind the old stables. He used to love feeding the birds breadcrumbs torn from the sandwiches she’d make for him. At times, he’d sit very still and wait to see how close they’d come to taking the pieces out of his hand. 

That was a lifetime ago. 

For a moment, Jeff’s words ring in his ears. Jared’s not a pet project. He’s not a thing to be categorized and filed away. Jensen’s not really sure what it is about the guy, maybe it’s his organic energy, his eagerness to please, or maybe it’s just his inability to hide his true feelings. Whatever it is, Jensen can’t seem to get the guy out of his mind. For the first time in a really long while, he looks forward to the weekend more than the start of the new work week, and that’s something he’d never thought would happen.

****** 

 

Friday night, 10:00 p.m. and he’s so worn out, the lines on the street are blurring together. At the moment, all he can think about is a steaming hot shower and falling into bed, but when he pulls into the driveway, he finds his house blazing with lights and hip hop blasting through his stereo speakers. 

Danneel. 

“Hey, baby,” she says, wrapping her delicate arms around his neck the minute he steps foot through the doorway.

Her lips are soft and she smells like her favorite citrus shampoo. She fits her curves against him, standing up on tiptoes to give him access to her mouth, while he runs his hands greedily over the bare skin of her midriff. 

“Ew, Jensen,” she says suddenly, pulling away, “go and shave.”

He sighs. For the life of him, he can’t remember why he gave her a key.

“So, how long are you in town?” he asks, wearily turning the stereo back to his favorite classic rock station. 

“Just a week,” she replies. “Gotta do some schmoozing over at The CW. My agent got the inside on a new show they’re casting for midseason.”

“You could have called to let me know you’re coming in. You know, give me some warning...” 

“You got something going on the side?” she pouts prettily.

He rubs a hand across the back of his neck. If she only knew...

“Not exactly,” he answers, “I’m just kinda busy these days.”

“Yeah?” she breathes, slipping her pink tank top off to reveal a lacy red bra underneath. “Gettin’ busy’s sorta what I had in mind...”

He catches her top before it even hits the floor and leans in for another kiss.

“Um, baby?” she whispers, lips ghosting over his, “will you take a shower first?”

He huffs out a laugh. He shouldn’t have expected anything less.

*

She’s wild in bed and he’s so turned on they barely get more than an hour’s rest before the sun comes up. Maybe it’s just pent up sexual frustration on his part because she’s been gone twelve weeks and it’s been nearly that long since he’s even had time for his right hand.

The knock on the door has him groaning and feeling self conscious as he tugs on a pair of sweatpants. He can see Jared’s silhouette through the frosted glass at the top of the door as he throws the locks open and his heart skips a beat when he sees Jared’s bright smile.

“I’m sorry, Jared, I overslept,” he says, hoping his smile doesn’t look too forced. “You want some orange juice while I get breakfast started?”

Jared’s exuberant grin falters and his dimples disappear. It’s the worst thing Jensen’s ever seen.

“Are you sick?” Jared asks, laying a hand on his bare chest. 

Jensen’s skin sizzles beneath the heat. It’s almost like an electric shock. 

“No, um, I’m okay,” he chokes out, “just didn’t sleep much.”

Jared gazes steadily into his eyes, perhaps gauging whether or not he’s telling the truth.

“I don’t want you to be sick, Jensen,” Jared says finally. “You should go back to bed.”

He feels a knot in his stomach. It’s obvious that Jared’s worried about him. It’s been so long since anyone besides his momma cared about him that he forgot what it feels like.

“It’s okay, Jared,” he says reassuringly, “let me get you some juice and toast first.”

They make their way to the kitchen and, for the moment, Jared’s still so concerned, he’s not saying much of anything.

“I can make my own toast,” Jared says softly, “and I know how to put things away.”

“I know you can, buddy.”

“You go back and rest, Jensen. I don’t want you to be sick.”

It makes him feel bad, almost like he’s betrayed his best friend, because he knows Jared’s father is very ill and that it frightens him a lot.

“Don’t worry,” he smiles, “I’m not sick, okay? I’m going back to bed but I’ll check up on you later. Go ahead and eat whatever you want.”

Jared nods gravely and watches him all the way until he reaches the bedroom. He hears Jared moving around a little in the kitchen but it’s not too long before the back door opens and the house is completely quiet again. 

Danneel is still sprawled out in the center of his bed, sheets tangled messily around her legs. She’s completely dead to the world so he closes the curtain to keep as much light out as possible. 

He stands there and stares for a long while. She’s beautiful and sexy, everything a man could ever want. Hell, she’d even give his momma a run for her money with all her Southern charm. The thing is, though, she wouldn’t ever give a damn about him beyond how many times he could get it up or whether or not he could hook her up with invitations to the hottest parties.

She’s not like Jared, who is a bundle of energy and who wears his heart on his sleeve. She’s more like him, keeping tight reign on her emotions, while Jared let’s everything he feels reflect in his eyes.

He knows she’ll be stuck playing the bimbo again and again. It’s not like he begrudges her that, considering how hard it is for any actor to get work in this town, but sooner or later, those jobs will dry up for her, and she’ll have to face the fact that there isn’t much going on behind her vacant smile. 

He heaves out a big sigh. Realizing there’s no way he’s getting back to sleep, he figures he might as well get some work done. 

*

After a quick shower, Jensen makes a fresh pot of coffee and settles himself on the patio with his files and laptop. Jared’s face lights up like a Christmas tree when he sees him outside, skipping across the back yard to steal a piece of toast. It makes him feel better to see the worry gone from his friend’s face.

“The daylilies want to be under this tree instead,” Jared says over a mouthful of toast. “I think Russian Sage needs to go with it. Can we get some?”

“Sure, man, whatever you want.”

Jared nods, sticking his tongue out between his teeth like he’s concentrating. Jensen knows he’s picturing everything in his head. 

“Daddy thought you had gladiolas,” Jared laughs out loud, “isn’t that silly...”

“What’s wrong with gladiolas, huh?” He chuckles, but Jared’s face has suddenly gone ashen as he stares at a spot behind Jensen’s head. 

“Where are all the mugs, baby?” Danneel whispers, “And who is that guy?”

Jensen cringes, he’s never really gotten used to being called that. He also doesn’t like that she’s wearing his favorite t-shirt and nothing else.

“Dani, this is Jared,” he says, loud enough for his voice to carry. “He’s helping me fix up the place.”

Her eyes roam over Jared’s lean body as she straightens and then executes a textbook female maneuver of flipping her long hair back and biting her bottom lip. If it’d been directed at anyone other than Jared, he’d probably laugh out loud, as it is, he finds himself feeling rather annoyed. 

Jared’s looking directly at the ground, his face nearly obscured by his curtain of hair. Underneath it, Jensen’s sure he’s gone pale. 

“Hey, buddy,” he says, jumping down to where Jared is rooted to the ground, “what’s the matter?”

Jared shakes his head and won’t meet Jensen’s eyes. He’s never seen Jared act this way before and it scares him more than a little bit.

“That’s just Dani, Jared,” he says, trying to coax a smile, “she’s totally harmless. Noisy sometimes, but harmless. Trust me.”

Jared has a wounded look when his eyes finally meet his, and Jensen is floored by the intensity of it. He wants to drag Jared into a hug and tell him something, anything, to make him feel better, but Danneel chooses that moment to get a closer look.

“What are you telling him, Jen?” she asks coyly, “don’t want you scaring him away.”

He’s pretty sure it’s not him that’s doing the scaring.

“I’m gonna... gonna go... now... over here,” Jared mumbles.

Jared is clearly worked up and it sets off all kinds of alarms. All he can think about is getting Danneel away, as far away as possible.

“It’s okay, Jared,” he says, grabbing Danneel’s arm, “Go and help the daylillies. I’m going to take Dani inside...”

“What the hell is your problem!” she yells, trying to wrench her arm free.

“I need to talk to you in the kitchen,” he growls, manhandling her toward the house.

He narrows his eyes at her when it looks as though she’s ready to let loose a string of obscenities but she, thankfully, remains silent until they’re safely behind closed doors.

“You asshole,” she shouts as he releases her. “What the hell was that about?”

“I don’t know,” he explains. “He doesn’t like strangers, I guess, and you were scaring him.”

“What?”

“Jared,” he says, “I don’t know what happened. He’s never acted like that before.”

He rubs the back of his neck distractedly and stares out the window at Jared. The guy is down on hands and knees with his hands planted firmly in the dirt. 

“What the hell,” she sputters, “are you saying he’s, like, retarded or something?”

“No, of course not! He’s different, that’s all.”

She gapes at him, completely slack-jawed.

“Ohmygod, there’s no way,” she declares. “That guy? He’s fucking gorgeous.”

“Yeah, well, maybe, but that doesn’t change the fact he’s upset about you being here.”

She walks up to the window and gazes out at Jared almost dreamily. He can’t get over how creepy that makes him feel.

“Maybe he’s never seen a woman before,” she whispers dramatically.

“What? Of course, he’s seen a woman before,” he replies, “Sophia’s the one that introduced us.”

“Sophia... Oh my God, that bitch!”

“What the hell does Sophia have to do with anything?” he asks, rolling his eyes.

“She probably fucked him and turned him against women,” she states. “Either that or she fucked him and turned him into a pervert.”

“Do I even know you?” he responds, “Jared is NOT a pervert. Don’t talk about him like that!”

“Yeah?” she says, “then why was he staring at my boobs?”

“He wasn’t staring at your boobs. Will you please get over yourself?”

“You know,” she mewls, “you’re supposed to be defending my virtue.”

“Well, maybe I would, if you had any.”

Her piercing look is enough to level him where he stands. Thank goodness she decides to take it to the bedroom. He props himself up against the counter and watches Jared hover about the back yard. Jared seems sad and keeps his distance from the house. By the time Jensen’s got lunch ready, he’s is nowhere to be found. The lawnmower and gardening tools have carefully been returned to the shed and Jared’s backpack is missing.

It’s pitiful, but the worst part is that Jared left without saying goodbye.

 

Jared doesn’t come back on Sunday. 

Jensen spends all day in bed with Danneel. The makeup sex is good but it leaves him feeling a bit hollow. 

For no other reason than avoiding conversation, he spends the rest of the week working late. Every night, he falls into bed and loses himself in Danneel’s soft skin. He can tell by the way that nothing has changed in the garden, Jared hasn’t come by at all.

*

It’s Friday when he pulls into his driveway and to the sound of the lawnmower droning away at Sophia’s house. He slams the car door shut and sends up a silent thanks for the providence that made him pick a fight with Mike and send him out the door early that day.

He jogs over, rehearsing his “I’m sorry’s” to Jared when he spots Danneel and Sophia huddled together near her front gate. Or rather, it’s Danneel that’s leaning over the gate while Sophia stands guard on the other side. Behind her, Jared is mowing the lawn, naked to the waist, his body slick with sweat.

“What the hell,” he mutters.

Sophia’s eyes go wide when she spots him and she offers an apologetic smile. At the moment, he’s not exactly sure what she’s apologizing for.

“Oh, hey, don’t be mad, baby,” Danneel pouts. “We were just looking. I mean, you can’t really blame us... Have you seen him?”

Jensen glares at Sophia.

“It’s not what you think, Jen,” Sophia whines. “I didn’t ask him to take his shirt off, he just did it himself.”

“Oh, yeah. Right.”

“No really. I swear,” she pleads, her voice cracking with alarm. “You know I wouldn’t do that to him.”

He sees the sincerity in her face and wants to believe her but, at the moment, he’s more concerned with making things right with Jared.

“Look, can you give me a minute?” he asks, “I just want to talk to him.”

Sophia nods quickly, looking shamefaced and almost tearful.

“Tell him I’m sorry, okay?” she whispers, “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him...”

“He knows that Soph,” he replies, “don’t worry.”

“Oh my god,” Danneel says, swatting playfully at his shoulder, “you’re not really mad, are you?”

He bites his bottom lip, not able come up with anything appropriate to say in response, while Sophia steps aside to let him pass.

 

Jared is skittish like a newborn colt, but he looks relieved as he peers at Jensen through his bangs. 

“I miss you,” Jared mumbles and Jensen’s not sure the guy knows he’s said those words out loud. 

“I miss you too,” he tells him. It’s like a weight’s been lifted from his chest when Jared’s face lights up in response. “She’s not staying... She’s leaving tomorrow, okay?” he whispers, “I want you to come back.” 

Jared nods, blinking back tears as he gazes warmly back at Jensen.

“Okay. Yeah.”

 

Jensen’s got a spring in his step when he walks back home. The knot he’s been carrying around in the pit of his stomach all week is all but gone, replaced with an unexpected sense of calm. He finds Danneel waiting for him on the front step, shielding her eyes from the glare of the sun.

“Sophia told me all about it,” she coos, her eyes glinting in the late summer sunshine. “I’m so excited. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He’s honestly puzzled. She’s trying to steer the conversation away from what just happened, he’s certain of that, but he has no idea where’s she’s going. 

She looks back at him innocently when he doesn’t immediately respond.

“About the penthouse, silly,” she says, smiling sweetly, “that you hired that guy to fix up this place so you can _sell_ it.”

“I’m not selling, Dani,” he sighs, “I love this house.”

“But I thought... Why else would you spend so much money on landscaping?”

Jensen bites his bottom lip and thinks. Watching his garden take shape is almost like seeing it come to life again, but it’s not even about the house or the garden anymore. It’s like he didn’t know how to breathe until Jared came along. 

“This feels like home to me,” he says softly and it’s the first honest thing he’s ever really said to her.

She cocks her head to the side, frowning slightly. 

“Jensen,” she says flirtatiously, stepping in close enough for him to smell her sweet perfume, “if we have an apartment, we wouldn’t have to worry about taking care of a yard. It’d be so great. We could go to clubs and hang out with all our friends.”

To her credit, she doesn’t even sulk when she realizes he’s not buying any of it. As she takes a step back, he can almost see a little bit of her mask falling away.

Almost.

“Well, I guess all the studios are up here anyway,” she concedes. “If I get that show, we’ll be able to see a lot more of each other. They really liked me you know, already said they want me to come back for an audition.”

“I’m happy for you, Dani.”

She starts to look a bit nervous, tossing her bright auburn hair over her shoulder.

“You know, I don’t get it,” she says agitatedly, “I mean, we have the perfect relationship. We look good together, the sex is amazing, and we don’t get in each other’s hair. What the hell happened anyway?”

Jared. Jared happened.

“I guess I just realized I want something different,” he answers thoughtfully.

“Are you that pissed I was looking at the gardener? Because that was nothing... just a distraction.”

He takes her hand, threads his fingers through hers, and marvels at how tiny she seems.

“Come on,” he whispers, taking in the citrus scent of her hair for probably the last time, “you and I both know we’re not emotionally invested in this relationship. I think we both deserve better.”

“You’re seriously breaking up with me?” she murmurs, “I can’t believe this.”

He wants to say more, but the words that float to the surface seem a little too trite. Instead, he watches her pack her belongings and move out of his life forever.

~*~ Chapter 4 ~*~

“JD, they’re getting jittery over here about the numbers,” Mike’s voice sounds over the speaker phone, and Jensen scowls in his boss’ direction.

Jeff taps on the desktop distractedly and gazes up at the ceiling.

“You say jittery and it makes me twitch, Mike,” Jeff responds, his voice going low and gravelly. “What exactly are we talking about here?”

There’s a pause while Jensen contemplates every conceivable way of disemboweling his _partner_ for messing up his perfect deal. That Jeff insisted Mike be left to complete the negotiations has become the biggest nightmare of his career.

“I think you both need to come out here,” Mike states. 

Jensen slams his fist down onto the table, and the shock sends a pitcher of water crashing to the floor. 

“Hey, hey,” Mike teases, forcing lightheartedness, “there’s no need for violence over there. I can feel you staring daggers through the phone lines Jensen, but it’s not as bad as you think.”

“Bad enough for us to fly over there, though, right?” Jensen says through clenched teeth.

There’s a bit of nervous laughter on the other end.

“Nothing a little bit of that Morgan charm won’t cure,” Mike says. “Hey, and one look at your pretty face, Ackles, and I’m sure they’ll be dying to sign on the dotted line.”

Jeff holds up a hand to silence Jensen’s retort before it leaves his lips.

“We’ll be there,” Jeff declares, “just make the arrangements on your end.”

“Sure thing, boss,” Mike says gleefully, “no problem. And Jensen, the lawyer? She’s a hot little filly. You might even get some while you’re over here.”

Jeff cuts the line before Jensen can inflict more damage on the conference room.

“Jeff,” Jensen seethes, “I swear, I am going to strangle that guy the minute we get there.”

His boss runs a hand across his face in a gesture designed to delay a response.

“Look,” Jeff sighs, “we’ll take ‘em out to dinner, crack open an expensive bottle of wine, and be right back on track in no time.”

“Dude, I had them right in the palm of my hand. How the hell did he fuck that up?”

“It’ll be fine, Jensen, maybe it just needs your magic touch. What could it hurt? We haven’t been to Chicago since we made a bid for The Daily Herald and I could use some Lou Malnati’s anyway.”

Jensen groans. “Deluxe Buttercrust Pizza. Damn, it’s been a while...”

“See?” Jeff exhales, “Few days, tops.”

Jensen rubs the back of his neck distractedly. 

“I don’t get it,” Jeff says, “this is your baby. A couple of weeks ago, you didn’t even want to let Mike in on it and now you’re reluctant to fly over to close the deal yourself? What gives?”

“It’s nothing,” he shrugs, “it’s fine. I’m fine.”

Jensen closes his eyes. It takes a moment to reorder his priorities but he knows what he has to do. The trip to Chicago is necessary, of course. He’s put too much work into this project to let it go without a fight. The thing is, he doesn’t know how to explain to it to Jared. They’d only just gotten over the thing with Danneel and he’d made a promise that everything would be back to normal between them. 

“Jeff, will you excuse me for a minute?” he says, grudgingly getting to his feet, “I have to make a phone call.”

Jeff studies him for a long moment, eyes narrowing in silent assessment. He’s not really prepared to answer any questions about the thoughts running through his head so he’s relieved when the man simply dismisses him with a wave of his hand.

He shuffles silently over to his office and locks the door behind him. It only takes a second to pull Jared’s phone number from his contact file but he stares at it for a full 60 seconds before convincing himself to make the call. 

“Hello, is this Mrs. Padalecki?” he says with forced cheerfulness to the woman who answers the phone.

“Yes,” she replies congenially.

“I’m sorry I haven’t had the chance to meet you in person,” he says, hoping he sounds friendly and not too formal. “I’m Jensen Ackles. Your son, Jared, has been landscaping my yard.”

She doesn’t answer right away and that makes him a little nervous.

“Has he done something?” she asks cautiously, “we’ll pay for any damage, of course...”

“What? No!” he interrupts, perhaps a bit too vehemently than necessary, “Jared’s done a great job.”

“Oh,” she says, sighing loud enough for him to hear. “That’s quite a relief. I don’t mean to jump to conclusions, but he can be a handful sometimes. Is there something I can help you with, Mr. Ackles? I’m afraid my husband is unable to come to the phone at the moment.”

“No, actually, I was calling to see if Jared was at home.”

“Jared? You want to speak with Jared?”

“Yes.” He takes a moment to clear his throat. “Is he there?”

She pauses again, and he doesn’t know why that worries him so much.

“Yes, he’s here,” she answers finally. “One moment, please.”

He hears the phone being covered by her palm and muffled voices on the other end before Jared’s honeyed voice sounds over the receiver.

“Jensen?” Jared says, “Is that really you?” 

“Yeah, buddy, it’s really me.”

Jared laughs out loud and he imagines his friend’s sunny smile. It makes it even harder to say what he has to say.

“Jared...”

“I like it when you say my name,” Jared giggles.

“Well, I like saying your name,” he responds.

“You’ve never called me before.”

“I know. I have something to tell you, though, can you listen for a second?”

“Yes,” Jared replies, “I can listen to you, Jensen.”

He takes a deep breath as the words get stuck somewhere in his throat.

“Jared,” he whispers, “I have to go away for a few days.”

There’s no sound on the other end but Jared’s uneven breathing.

“It’s only for a few days,” he continues, “in fact, it’ll be just like when I work late and can’t see you during the week. It probably won’t even feel different.”

“It will be different,” Jared pouts, “it’ll be lonely without you.”

“Come on, buddy, don’t be like that,” he urges. “This is work, something I have to do, but I’ll be back before you know it. In the meantime, you have to keep an eye on my place for me, right? Make sure the rosebushes are taken care of and everything.”

Jared doesn’t answer right away. When he does, he sounds stricken, like his world has crumbled out from under him.

“You’re coming back, right Jensen?” he cries, “You’re not going away and never coming back, are you?”

Jensen feels his stomach tighten into knots.

“Of course I’m coming back, Jared,” he chokes out, “it’s just a couple of days, I promise.”

“You promise?”

“Hey, I’ll do you one better,” he says, “when I get back, we’ll have a special day out, just the two of us.”

“Can we have ice cream?”

He closes his eyes. It’s too soon for real relief because he knows how sad Jared still is, but it’s a start.

“We can have anything you want, Jared. Anything at all.”

 

*****

 

Jared curls up into a ball at the foot of his father’s bed. Jensen reassured him over and over again that everything would be all right but he knows otherwise. Way down deep inside, he’s scared that Jensen will find someone he likes better, someone who’s smart and pretty, who can make him happy. His chest aches right where his heart is supposed to be and all he wants is for Jensen to make the hurt go away.

“What’s the matter, son?” his father’s sleep gruff voice interrupts his thoughts, and he rushes to wipe away his tears.

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” he whispers, “you can go back to sleep.”

“Jared,” Gerry sighs, “come over here and tell Daddy what’s wrong.”

He crawls up to tuck his big body against his father’s side and feels cool dry lips brush against his forehead. It’s small comfort but enough to make him relax a little bit into the touch. 

“Jensen’s going away and I don’t want him to,” he whispers against his daddy’s skin.

“Is he going to be gone for a long time?”

“Days,” he whines, “days and days.”

“Shhh,” his daddy whispers, “it’s okay, son. It’s not the end of the world.”

“Yes, it is,” Jared sobs, “it’ll be like before and then he’ll let her wear his favorite t-shirt again and there won’t be any more pancakes...”

“Whoa, now, hold on there. Who wore who’s favorite t-shirt?”

“The lady at Jensen’s house,” he explains, “only she’s not there anymore because Jensen sent her away.”

“There was a lady staying at Jensen’s house?”

He nods, bumping his head against his daddy’s chin.

“But he sent her away?” Gerry asks, “Why?”

“She wasn’t nice,” he says softly, cringing at the sour taste the words leave behind. “Jensen said he missed me.”

“That so?” his father muses, “If she’s gone then what’s that got to do with pancakes?”

He chokes back new tears. It’s almost too scary to say the words out loud because he doesn’t want them to be true.

“Daddy,” he breathes, “what if Jensen doesn’t like me anymore?”

“Oh, Jared,” his father says, “you really like Jensen a lot, don’t you?”

He nods again, chewing on his bottom lip to keep from crying. 

“He doesn’t get mad at me when I make mistakes, Daddy,” he shares, “and he doesn’t get scared when I say things the way other people do.”

“He sounds like a really good friend.”

“And he shows me how to do things too,” he says, “like I’m a normal person.” 

“Jared...”

“I know, Daddy, I’m special, but sometimes I wish I was just like everybody else.”

Gerry massages his scalp with gentle fingers, and it soothes away a little bit of the hurt.

“I like being with him better than anybody else, Daddy,” he confesses, “and I don’t want him to ever go away.”

“Oh, son, sometimes these things are beyond our control.”

“I know,” he sighs, “but I wish that he’d let _me_ wear his favorite t-shirt and make pancakes for me every day and not anybody else. Is that selfish? Momma says I’m selfish when I want things for myself.”

He feels his father take in a few deep, labored breaths, before answering. “No, son, you’re not selfish. You want to help Jensen all the time, right? You’d give him anything, including your favorite t-shirt if he wanted to wear it?”

He nods vigorously. He’d do anything for Jensen, anything at all. 

“What does it mean, Daddy?”

“I think it means that you love Jensen,” his father answers. 

“I love Jensen,” he echoes. Inside, he knows it’s true.

“Tell me something, Jared,” his father says, “has he done things to you? Touched you?”

“He wipes my mouth when I spill things,” he replies, “and, one time, he dried my hair for me.”

“That’s fine, son, but what I mean is, does he ever hug you or touch you in other places?”

“Oh,” Jared mumbles, biting on his thumbnail. “He doesn’t, but sometimes I want him to. I want him to kiss me too, Daddy, but he doesn’t.”

His father nods and holds him close. 

“There you are, Jared baby,” his momma says from the doorway, “you shouldn’t be wearing your father out like this.”

“Let the boy be, Momma,” Gerry says softly, tightening his hold on Jared’s shoulder.

“You need your rest, Gerald,” Momma says sternly, but her frown dissolves when she sees Jared’s tear stained face. “Goodness, what is this about? Did that man say something to upset you?”

“Jared’s just sad that Jensen is going away for a few days,” Gerry responds. “He misses his friend, that’s all.”

“I don’t know if this is healthy for him, Daddy,” his momma says, “he’s formed such an attachment. It can’t be good for him.”

“Jared knows his own mind, Momma,” his father whispers, “just let him be.”

She sighs, and for a moment, Jared’s afraid she’ll say something bad, like maybe he can’t see Jensen anymore. His chest feels tight and he thinks that he won’t be able to breathe if that happens. She surprises him by reaching for a tissue and wiping away his tears instead. 

“I’m just worried about him,” she murmurs, “he’s our little boy.”

“I’m not a baby, Momma,” he says and is rewarded with a sad little smile.

“What are we going to do?” she asks, and he’s not sure who she’s really talking to, “What am I going to do when... Gerald, this’ll be too much for him...”

She looks at his daddy and her face crumbles. More than anything, he wishes he knew the right words to say to make things right with her. He remembers when she used to smile more, when her eyes weren’t so tired and her mouth wasn’t always pinched in a tight line. When she laughed, the sound would be so musical, his heart would sing right along, like the way it does sometimes when the wind blows just the right way. 

Lately, she talks so fast the words don’t make sense to him. He wonders if maybe he’s gotten too used to not listening anymore, sort of like when he’s riding in the car and they’re driving so fast everything flies by in such a blur he can’t hold onto it in his mind. 

“Jared’s growing up, Momma,” his father’s voice rumbles against his ear, “we need to let him find his own way.”

“But Gerald,” she protests, “Jared needs us to protect him. He doesn’t know any better.”

“I think our son knows exactly what he’s about,” Gerry whispers, “we just have to trust him a little more.”

 

*****

 

Jensen’s at Everest on the 40th Floor of the Chicago Stock Exchange, drinking a celebratory glass of champagne when he realizes he can’t remember the last time he took a real breath. The week went by without so much as a hitch, but amidst the handshakes and the companionable slaps on the back, there’s an emptiness he just can’t seem to shake.

It’s not just the fact that Chicago’s a concrete jungle, although he does miss waking up to his scrawny little rose bushes and the gentle sway of trees in cool the morning air. Deep down inside, he knows it’s so much more. 

He closes his eyes and pictures Jared covered to his elbows with dirt. Jared is never more at home than when he’s got mud on his jeans and sweat dripping from his forehead. He’s resisted the urge to call the guy every night, even though he’s wanted nothing more than to ease some of the ache of leaving his friend behind.

No matter. He made a promise that he’s just a few hours away from fulfilling. 

Earlier that day, he’d snuck off and bought Jared a gift, and surprisingly, not even signing a million dollar deal could diminish his excitement over that fact. 

“Dude, you look like you’re miles away from here,” Mike shouts. “Come join the party!”

“You go ahead, man, I’m kind of beat.”

Mike slips an arm around his shoulder and Jensen can tell the guy has probably polished off a couple of bottles of champagne on his own already.

“You know that lawyer chick’s been sending you ‘the look’ all night, right?” Mike slurs, “Looks like you’ve pretty much closed that deal too.”

“Not interested,” he snorts, “but you’re welcome to give it a try if you think you can make the sale.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Mike. She’s all yours.”

Mike slaps his hands together, mimicking a prayer of thanks. “Dude, you are awesome, you know that?”

“Be careful, though,” Jensen warns, “she looks like she has claws.”

“Aw, man, that’s just how I like ‘em,” Mike smirks. “I must say I’m a bit surprised at you, though. I had no idea your girl had you so fuckin’ pussy whipped.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You, man!” Mike shouts, punctuating his words with a sharp poke at Jensen’s chest. “I’m talking about hotties fucking throwing themselves at you all night, no make that all week, and you’re goddamn oblivious. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re gay.”

“You’re an asshole, Mike,” he mumbles. 

“Yeah, but I’m a lovable asshole,” Mike states, wagging his eyebrows.

“Don’t let it go to your head or anything,” Jensen chuckles. “Look, can you tell Jeff I cut out? I want to see if I can get an earlier flight out.”

“See what I mean?” Mike croons, “Whipped!”

He shakes his head and walks out without a second glance. It’s a bit of a surprise, even to him, that he doesn’t give Mike the verbal shakedown the guy really deserves, but at the moment, he can’t think of anything beyond getting home where he can breathe again.

*

Jensen watches Jared cradle the package in his wide open palms. The guy is smiling so wide his face is nearly split in two.

“Aren’t you going to open it?” He asks.

“You got me a present,” Jared states.

“Yes, buddy, but you won’t know what it is until you open it.”

“I know,” his friend says, shuffling back and forth from one foot to the other “I’m just so excited!”

Jensen slips his hands into his pockets. For the moment, he’s contented enough to sit back and wait until Jared is ready to make the next move. He’s dead tired, having flown all night just to get home but the lack of sleep is well worth the gleeful welcome he got from Jared when he got back.

“You got me a present,” Jared says again, and Jensen has to smile.

“Yes, I did,” he replies. “I got it just for you.”

Jared beams back at him, misty eyed and blissful. It’s only a few seconds more before he’s tearing into the package with gusto. 

“It’s a digital camera,” Jensen supplies, when Jared turns the box over. “You have such a great eye for beautiful things, I thought it’d be cool if you could take pictures of what you see, you know, so you can look at them again later.” 

Jared’s bottom lip quivers and it looks like he’s about ready to cry.

“What’s wrong?” Jensen asks, “Don’t you like it?”

“Nobody’s ever given me anything like this before,” Jared answers shakily.

“But you like it right?” he asks again, “Here, it’s really easy to use. I’ll show you.”

“You’re the only one that thinks I can learn things,” Jared whispers. 

“That’s not true,” he supplies, “your dad taught you about plants, and your mom, she taught you how to get dressed and to tie your shoelaces...”

“Jeff taught me to tie my shoelaces.”

“Okay, well, there you go,” he says, brushing a loose lock of brown hair behind Jared’s ear, “everybody knows you can learn things.”

Jared smiles but his eyes are still watery with unshed tears. 

“What’s going on, huh?” he says softly, “I thought you’d be happy...”

“I’m happy,” Jared answers, “it’s just... Don’t ever go away again, okay? I really missed you.”

He pauses. A part of him wants to make that promise.

“Hey, it wasn’t so bad, right?” he lies, “the week just flew right by and here I am.” 

“It was like forever,” Jared grumbles.

He watches Jared gnawing on a thumbnail that’s nearly raw and bloody so he reaches over to pull the boy’s hand away.

“Jared,” he whispers, “my job is really important to me and that means that sometimes I have to go away. But I want you to remember that I will always come back. You don’t need to worry about that.”

He gets another watery smile but this time there’s a little bit more light in Jared’s expressive eyes. He rubs the center of Jared’s wide palm with his fingertip. It’s an unconscious gesture, like soothing a frightened child, but he feels strangely comforted by the movement. 

Jared’s eyes darken and his gaze turns heated, making Jensen jump back in sudden alarm. 

“You ready to go?” Jensen says, hoping the change in subject will distract them both. “Thought we could go to the park and try out this new camera of yours.”

He can see the momentary confusion in Jared’s eyes, like a spark left unattended in the wind, but the look is replaced with Jared’s sweet affirmation when he hops to his feet, clutching his new gift to his chest. 

*****

Looking through the cameral lens is different from seeing things with his own eyes. Jared has to squint to see the pictures in the tiny little window every time he points the camera in a new direction. He can’t see how something so small can really convey the beauty he sees with his own eyes but he goes on faith and does exactly what Jensen tells him anyway. 

He snaps away happily, giggling when Jensen shows him how to review the images he’s saved in the memory. Each photograph is like a moment in time, saved in much the same way he files things away in his own mind. More than anything, he wants to capture the feeling of being with Jensen, the way the sunlight plays across his beautiful face, the way the wind runs fingers through his spiky blond hair, and the way he makes Jared feel more alive than he’s ever felt before.

They stop for ice cream at the same corner store and Jared takes a picture of his banana split, laughing at the way the big red cherry slides off the whipped cream as the dessert melts in the heat. Jensen drops chocolate sauce on the front of his t-shirt and Jared laughs when he gets to be the one to wipe it up with his napkin. Jensen doesn’t look ashamed or sad, he just licks the extra sauce off his fingers and keeps on eating. 

*

They’re sitting side by side on the living room floor, heads bent together over Jensen’s laptop computer while Jensen hooks his camera up with a long black cable. 

“You ready to see the pictures you took?” Jensen asks, and Jared nods excitedly. 

He’s never seen pictures on a computer before so he’s not prepared for the splash of color that flashes across the screen. They don’t represent every bit of the energy he gets from being outside and in the sun, but the images are vivid reminders of their day, and when he comes across the few pictures of Jensen that he was able to steal, he touches the screen with reverence. 

“Wow, dude!” his friend exclaims, “These are good. I mean, _really_ good.”

“You really think so?”

“Oh yeah, man,” Jensen says, “you should show these to your mom and dad. I’m sure they’ll be proud.”

“Do you like them, Jensen?” he asks, because that’s really all that matters.

“Of course, I do.”

They’re sitting so close their thighs are aligned and Jared can feel the steady rise and fall of Jensen’s chest as he breathes. Jensen’s forearm extends across his lap as the man balances the computer between both of them and Jared is struck by how amazingly right it feels.

He reaches out with a tentative hand and lets his fingers flutter over the golden blond hairs on Jensen’s arm. His friend gasps, but doesn’t move away and Jared, feeling bolder, begins to stroke Jensen’s warm skin with a gentle touch.

His heart is beating so fast, it feels like it’s ready to jump right out of his chest. The sound is so loud, he’s sure Jensen can hear the thunderous roar. When he looks down at the man’s face, he sees that Jensen’s eyes are closed and that his breathing has gone shallow and uneven. 

Jensen’s lips are slightly parted and trembling. Jared lifts his hand to run his index finger over the outer edge and Jensen turns abruptly to look at him. Sparkling green eyes gaze back at him with such surprise and wonder that Jared’s breath hitches. 

Not for the first time he thinks, _Jensen is beautiful,_ and he remembers that he wants to kiss Jensen just like those guys they watched kiss at the ice cream parlor. He leans forward, inhaling the spicy scent of Jensen’s aftershave. His friend’s eyes slowly close and Jared has a moment to study the gentle contours of the man’s face, the sooty eyelashes, and the smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose. He nuzzles against Jensen’s jaw, and shivers as Jensen’s five o’clock shadow prickles against his sensitive skin.

Jensen groans, low and guttural in his throat when their lips touch and he feels like they’re both floating. Jensen’s lips are soft and warm as they move against his mouth and, when he feels Jensen’s tongue snake out to lick at his bottom lip, he gets so dizzy he thinks he might faint. 

All of a sudden, there’s a warm hand on his thigh and a tightness between his legs. He feels a vibration go through his spine and a tightness deep in his belly where he wishes Jensen would touch him more. He presses his body closer, seeking more contact, and his hand moves to press against Jensen’s chest. He feels Jensen’s heartbeat pounding against his palm and he wants to melt right into Jensen until they are one whole person, sharing the same body and breathing the same air. 

“I love you,” he whispers against Jensen’s warm lips, “I love you.”

Jensen inhales sharply and pulls away. Jared’s eyes snap open and he stares, wide eyed and uncomprehending while his friend gently untangles their bodies and moves to separate them. He wants to crawl back into Jensen’s arms and wrap himself in Jensen’s protective circle but he can see that Jensen is clearly uncomfortable so he remains in his place. 

He can’t stop himself from trembling, his body still aching in unfamiliar places, and he can hear Jensen’s sharp, uneven breathing as the man struggles to compose himself. 

“Jensen?” he manages to croak out. 

“Shhh,” Jensen whispers, taking his hand and pressing soft kisses to his knuckles. 

He doesn’t understand what any of it means, only that he’s sure he doesn’t want the moment to end. 

 

***** 

 

Jensen ends up working late again. It’s not a conscious thing, avoiding Jared, but ever since their day in the park, he hasn’t known what to do. 

Because the thing is, he’s never thought about guys like that before, not even in passing. Sure, he may have occasionally seen an attractive male and thought, “nice suit” or whatever, but he’s never actually thought about men in sexual terms. Not ever.

That is, not until Jared. 

So it’s out of idle curiosity more than anything that Jensen flips open his laptop, pulls up his internet browser and types in: _gay porn._

Closing his eyes, he hits [enter], and less than a millisecond later, about a gazillion hits come up. It makes him jump, snap his laptop shut, and go off to pour himself a drink.

After straightening the books on the shelves for about the tenth time, and armed with a glass of scotch, he sits back down in front of his computer. It’s stupid to be nervous. After all, he’s not a homophobe, some of his closest friends are gay. Besides, he’s a guy so he’s pretty familiar with the equipment guys have, and sex is sex whether there are tits involved or not. That in mind, he takes a deep breath, and clicks on the first link.

His first thought? _Gay porn is disgusting._

Guys with shaved balls, stroking their oversized dicks and making the most obscene noises he’s ever heard... Definitely weird. And watching some dude get his ass spanked while being plowed from behind? Just. _Ew._

He shuts the window, clears his history, and puts his face in his hands. What the hell is he doing anyway? He doesn’t like guys.

Except for the part where he can’t stop thinking about Jared.

 

***** 

The sun is setting over the horizon as he stares out across the smog filled Los Angeles sky. It wasn’t that long ago that he’d looked out this very same window and thought he had all the answers. Things were so much simpler when all he had to care about was the next big deal and making sure profits stayed up. 

That was before his life got turned around by a 6’5” lovable giant with a heart as big as the ocean is wide. 

“What’s got you all tied up in knots?” Jeff asks from his perch in the doorway, startling Jensen out of his reverie.

“It’s nothing,” he lies, “just going over yesterday’s notes.”

“No, you weren’t,” Jeff chuckles. “Don’t try to con me kid, I know you better than that.” 

He exhales and flops down in his chair. 

“You always could call my bullshit,” he says, shaking his head. “It’s personal, actually.”

“Figured as much.”

Jeff slips into a chair directly across from him and waits, eyes wide and encouraging, while Jensen considers how honest he’s allowed to be. He’s never talked to Jeff about anything other than work even though he considers the man a friend of sorts. 

“I’m having relationship problems,” he says finally, thinking it couldn’t hurt to test the waters a little bit. 

“Blond or brunette?”

He snorts, dropping his head down onto the desk. 

“If only it were that simple,” he whines.

“It’s your friend Jared, isn’t it?” Jeff asks and Jensen gapes at him.

“What makes you say that?”

“Son,” Jeff chuckles, “when are you gonna learn that your personal life is my business.”

Jensen exhales sharply. “Do I even want to know what that means?” he groans.

“No, you don’t,” his boss replies, “trust me on this.”

He rubs the back of his neck nervously. It’s obvious that Jeff is not going to let him off the hook without an explanation, but he’s at a loss as to where to begin.

“Jared wants something from me,” he blurts out, “and I’m not sure I can give it to him.”

Jeff nods his head and peers at him through hooded eyes.

“Can I say something?” the man asks and Jensen nods his assent. “I’ve seen a difference in you lately. You’re not so uptight, you leave work on time, you actually talk to people instead of just barking at them... It’s like you have more color, and I’m not just talking about your tan.” 

Jeff pauses, leaning forward to tap on the table in front of him. 

“And I’m no fool, Jensen,” he continues, “I know it’s because of this Jared kid. He’s gotten under your skin and you know it.”

“Yeah,” Jensen admits, “he has. Jared, he just gets me, you know? He doesn’t care how much money I have or what kind of car I drive. He doesn’t want to go to any parties or eat at expensive restaurants. He cares about _me,_ not just what I can do for him...”

“He sounds pretty fantastic.”

“Yeah, he is. He can see beauty in everything, even an asshole like me.”

“So, what’s the problem then?” Jeff shrugs.

Jensen leans back and stares up at the ceiling. When he closes his eyes, all he can see is Jared’s smiling face looking back at him.

“The problem is that he wants to be more than just friends,” he says softly.

“And?”

Jensen sits up to glare at his companion.

“I think you’re getting senile,” he says sarcastically. “Jared’s a guy.” 

“I know that, Jensen,” Jeff responds, “and I’m gonna let that one slide because I know you’re under duress here. The thing is, for whatever reason, out of all the people he’s known in his life, Jared’s formed an attachment to you, and no matter what you say, you feel it too.”

“Dude, I’m not gay.” 

“Who gives a shit, Jensen!” Jeff shouts, “You can’t seriously tell me you don’t have feelings for the guy.” 

“Jeff...”

“Are you some kind of homophobe then?”

“What? No,” he protests, “it’s just that I’ve never even thought about...”

“You mean, you’re not attracted to the guy?”

“I didn’t say that...”

Jeff’s frown melts into the goofiest grin he’s ever seen.

“So you admit it then,” the man teases, “I knew it.”

He covers his face with his hands and groans. 

“God dammit, Jeff,” he mumbles straight into his palm, “what the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Do you care about him?”

“Yeah, of course, I do.”

“Then it seems pretty simple to me,” Jeff answers.

“It’s hardly simple,” Jensen quips.

“Jensen,” Jeff says, a soft smile playing at the corners of his mouth, “I told you that if you got me Chicago, you could write your own ticket. You’ve done that. Now, take something for yourself for a change. If Jared is what you want, just go for it.”

He stands to pace the room. A few short moments ago, he wasn’t sure where his life was headed, but now he’s sure of one thing, he needs Jared. He doesn’t want to think about what his life would be like without the big guy, and he’s ready to believe that everything will work out for both of them as long as they stay together. 

“Thanks, Jeff,” he says, “I owe you... For everything.”

“Don’t think you’re off the hook completely, kid,” Jeff laughs, “I still expect an increase in revenue next fiscal year, and you’d better make damn sure Mike is up to speed on all of the East Coast holdings before you hand them off.”

He quirks an eyebrow in his boss’ direction. He’s had their West Coast operations running on autopilot for nearly a year already and maintaining them will definitely keep him close to home.

“Anything else?” he asks, unable to keep the smile from creeping onto his face.

“Yeah,” Jeff replies, making his way toward the door, “I want to meet this Jared guy. He must be pretty amazing.”

“Yeah. He sure is.”

~*~ Chapter 5 ~*~

“Geez, Momma,” Megan says, rolling her eyes heavenward, “I don’t get what the big deal is.”

Jared shifts uncomfortably, biting his thumbnail. He’d been looking forward to seeing Megan all week, wanting to show off the camera Jensen bought for him and the pictures he took at the park. They have the photos spread out around them in a big circle and they’re still huddled together while Momma paces around them.

“I just don’t understand,” his momma states, “things were all so normal and then this Jensen comes along and everything changes.”

“It’s just a camera.”

“Just?” Momma shakes her head. “It’s not _just_ anything. He’s acting differently, taking pictures... people are starting to notice, Megan.”

“Yeah, and look at what he’s done,” Megan says, pointing to the photographs. “These are amazing. I think it’s great.”

“I’ve always done the best I could with him.”

Megan stands abruptly, nearly knocking him over. She’s upset with Momma about something that has to do with Jensen, of that he’s sure, so he tries really hard to pay attention.

“This is so not about you, Momma,” Megan seethes, hands clenched at her sides.

“You’re too young to remember what it was like, arguing with his teachers, making excuses for his behavior... We didn’t have any choices.”

“That’s fine, Mom,” his sister intones, “but that was then and this is now. You need to stop worrying about other people and start thinking about Jared.”

“I am thinking about Jared,” his mother shouts, and both he and his sister blink in astonishment.

He doesn’t understand. He thought that she’d be proud that he can do things now but, instead, she’s angry and flustered, and all of it has something to do with Jensen. Jensen, who is just as much family to him as they are. 

“What does he want with Jared anyway?” Momma continues, “He’s a grown man, a so-called executive... Does he think Jared is a charity case or something?”

“We’re friends, Momma,” Jared says, finally finding his voice. “I don’t know what’s going on here but I like Jensen and I want to keep going over to his house.”

“Oh, honey, I’m just trying to look out for you,” his mother says like she’s soothing a small child. 

It’s as if she’s not interested that he’s even there and he’s scared that she’ll make this decision without giving him a chance to say anything more. 

“You have to meet him, Momma, talk to him,” he says pleadingly. “You’ll like him. I promise.”

“It’s a good idea, Momma,” Megan chimes in, “I think we should all get to know Jensen since he’s obviously so important to Jared.”

His mother takes in an exaggerated breath just like she usually does when she’s about ready to tell him he can’t have something, and his stomach curls up in knots.

“I’ll call him, Momma,” he chokes out. “I can call him right now. He’ll come right over, and you’ll see... He’s the nicest person in the world.”

“All right,” she concedes after a long pause, “but not today. We can at least be civilized and invite him to dinner tomorrow night.”

Jared lets out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. When he looks down, he realizes he’s shredded one of his favorite photographs, the one of Jensen throwing a penny into the fountain at the park. He carefully picks up each of the pieces and cradles them gently in his big hand. Jensen’s broad smile peers back at him reassuringly.

***** 

Jeff and Lauren are the first to arrive and they both spend a long time upstairs with Daddy. Lauren’s been over at the house a lot more lately. He supposes it’s because his father doesn’t go out to see the doctor anymore now that she’s around. It makes things easier on both his momma and his daddy, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling a little edgy whenever he sees her. For his father’s sake, he doesn’t say anything, though. 

He pouts in the corner as he watches the two of them whisper back and forth to one another. He hears his name once in a while so he knows they’re talking about him and it makes him feel uncomfortable. 

Daddy’s already sitting at the head of the table. It took extra long to get him out of bed this time but he insisted on being there to meet Jensen along with everyone else despite the way Momma fretted over him. Lately, his dad’s been too tired to even sit up when he comes home. He knows to whisper when he tells Daddy stories about his day. It’s especially fun when the lights are off and he can sit at the edge of the bed holding a flashlight.

His father smiles at him, warm and reassuring, and Jared feels the strength behind those bright hazel eyes. 

“Where’s the party!” Megan yells when she barges into the house.

“What did you say?” Jeff pipes up sarcastically, “I don’t think they heard you down the block.”

She rolls her eyes at him and goes to peck on her father’s cheek. 

“Hey Daddy,” she says softly, “how are you feeling today?”

“I’m fine,” Daddy replies with an answering smile, “it’s good to see you.”

They settle down while Jared chews vigorously on his thumbnail. Momma’s been agitated and nervous since the day before, fussing over every detail and not letting anyone near the kitchen. He just wishes Jensen would get there already. He knows Jensen will know exactly what to do. 

Jeff stands and stretches. He checks his watch while Lauren straightens the lapels of her business suit.

“Let’s not wait,” Jeff announces, “I’ll go tell Mom.”

Jared stands slowly, he sees the way everyone is frowning when Jeff makes his way to the kitchen. He knows it’s bad, bad that Jensen isn’t here, and that everyone is angry with him. They think he’s not coming. Maybe they think Jensen doesn’t care enough about him.

The food is set out and he reluctantly sits down on Daddy’s side of the table. Even Megan’s a bit irritated and that makes him sad. He’s already got his head bowed, even before Daddy takes his hand to say grace, fighting back the tears that threaten to fall.

Then, the doorbell rings. 

His knee hits the table as he shoots out of his chair, rattling the plates and silverware. He turns back to look at them just before he opens the door and shouts, “I told you he was coming!”

Flinging the door open, he throws himself at Jensen, wrapping his long arms around him like an octopus. Jensen laughs, juggling a big bouquet of roses in one hand, while he struggles to keep both feet on the ground.

“Whoa,” he says, and Jared feels that tingle run down his spine as the sound resonates through him. 

When he finally lets go, Jensen straightens his clothing self consciously, but he’s smiling nonetheless. Jared’s never seen him dressed like this before. He’s wearing a dark suit just like Jeff, only he looks so much more handsome, like one of those famous movie stars.

And again he thinks about how beautiful Jensen is. 

It’s certainly not the first time he’s felt this way, but this time, he really knows it’s true because of the way everyone from his momma down to Megan seems to stop and stare. Even Lauren has a smile on her face that he’s never seen before. 

“I’m so sorry,” Jensen says, extending handshakes to everyone at the table. 

He introduces himself in a voice that Jared’s only heard him use on the telephone. It makes him giggle just a little bit because he’s so proud that Jensen is so smart and that Jensen is his friend.

“My meeting ran way overtime,” Jensen says, shaking his head. “Anyway, I’m glad you didn’t wait.” 

He hands the flowers over to Momma with a genuine smile.

“I hope you like roses,” he says quietly. “Next year, I’ll be able to give you the ones from my garden that Jared planted for me. He’s really done amazing things with the place. You’ll have to come and see it sometime. I’m sure you’ll be really proud of him.”

She blushes prettily at his words, making Jared so happy he’s nearly bursting at the seams. He likes it even better when Jensen takes off his jacket and loosens his tie because it makes him look more like _his_ Jensen that way. He’s so excited, his legs are shaking as Jensen takes his place next to him at the table, and he watches with fascination at the way Jensen casually unbuttons the cuffs of his white pinstripe shirt and rolls up his sleeves. It makes him want to touch the fuzzy hairs on Jensen’s arm, like he would if they were alone, but he doesn’t.

“You okay there?” Jensen asks when they link hands in prayer and he nods back, lips pressed together to keep from laughing out loud. 

Jensen’s thigh presses against his under the table to keep him from fidgeting and they share a secret smile. 

Everyone asks so many questions. Jared gets dizzy looking from face to face, but Jensen doesn’t even look nervous when he answers each and every one. Jensen’s voice is smooth like his favorite maple syrup and it soothes him better than any song he’s ever heard. 

He carefully copies everything Jensen does, from the way he holds his fork to the way he lays his napkin in his lap, and he can feel that Jensen is proud of him even though they don’t exchange any words. His daddy notices too, judging from the pleased look on his face, but his momma remains silent through most of the evening. 

“You’re a busy man, Jensen,” his father says finally. “We’re really happy you’re able to join us tonight.”

“It’s my pleasure, sir,” Jensen responds, “I’ve been wanting to meet you all for a very long time.”

Jared feels giddy and a little lightheaded. His daddy likes Jensen and that’s really all that matters. He’s still gazing at his father’s smiling face when he reaches for his glass of water. The glass teeters for a second when his fingertips knock into it, but then it falls over, and the entire contents spill onto the table, soaking into Momma’s beautiful white tablecloth.

For a second, everything goes silent.

His momma’s face is stricken and Lauren stifles a gasp behind her napkin. He looks around, terrified, at their sad sad faces, wishing he could start everything all over again.

“Hey, it’s okay, buddy,” Jensen reassures softly, “accidents happen.” 

Jensen rights the glass and mops up the excess liquid with his own napkin.

“Look, it’s only water,” he whispers. 

Jared smiles back weakly and Lauren snorts indelicately. Jensen whirls on her but doesn’t say a word. He can feel the anger in Jensen’s glare, but it doesn’t help the way he feels. 

“Jared, go upstairs,” his mother says.

“No, Momma,” he whines. He doesn’t want to go yet. He wants to stay with his friend and make things right again. 

“Jared!” she shouts and he cringes at her tone.

“Sherri, it’s alright,” his daddy says softly. “Let the boy stay.”

“But Gerald, he’s made a mess of things.”

“It’s only water,” Jensen repeats and Jared watches the way the man swallows thickly, holding back his outrage.

“He’s right, Jared,” his daddy says, “it’s only water.”

Everyone turns to look at his father while the man struggles to stand.

“Gerald,” his momma says, getting out of her chair, “please don’t overexert yourself.”

“Son,” his dad says softly, ignoring the way his mother is fawning over him, “how would you like to spend the night at Jensen’s tonight? That is, if Jensen will have you...”

“Of course, sir,” Jensen responds.

He can’t believe his ears. He gets to go home with Jensen.

“Gerald, what are you saying?” his momma asks, “you know it’s just not right.”

“Dad, Jared can’t stay over there,” Jeff says, standing and challenging Jensen with a glare. 

“Jeff, shut the hell up,” Megan growls.

“No way,” Jeff says, and Lauren nods her agreement, “Mom’s right. We don’t even know what this guy’s intentions are.”

“Intentions?” Jensen shouts, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You know exactly what it means,” Jeff roars. “Jared’s just a kid and you’re taking advantage of him. You think we’re just going to stand by and let you abuse him?”

“Enough!” Gerry shouts and the room goes silent. 

Jared glances from one face to another. He can’t make any sense of what’s going on except that the people he loves most in his life are all mad at each other and it scares him so much he can hardly breathe.

“Daddy?” he says in a very small voice, “I didn’t mean to spill my water.”

His father’s face softens immediately and he looks at Jared with sad eyes.

“Nobody’s angry with you, son,” his daddy says. “None of this is your fault.”

“That’s right, Jared,” Jensen whispers, “this isn’t your fault. I’m sorry I yelled, okay?”

Jared swipes a hand across his face. He wants to believe what they say but he’s still not sure if he can.

“Can I just pack my bag now?” he asks.

“Yes, son,” Daddy answers, ruffling his hair, “go on and get your things.”

“But Gerald,” Momma interrupts, “we don’t know...”

“I know enough,” his father says, glancing at Jensen who stares back with open understanding. 

“Thanks, Daddy,” he whispers.

“You’re a good boy, Jared,” Gerry responds. “Go on now.”

*

 

Back at the house, Jensen settles Jared into the guest room and bites his lip as the young man slides silently under the covers. It worries him that Jared’s never been so sullen before.

“You okay there, buddy?” he asks, “you know you can tell me anything, right?”

Jared nods but doesn’t say another word. Jensen crouches next to him for a few moments, stroking his hair soothingly, until Jared seems to relax into sleep.

 

It’s a full two hours later when he looks up to find Jared standing in the doorway to his bedroom. Jensen clicks his laptop shut and slides his glasses off his nose.

“What’s going on?” he asks gently, since Jared seems more than a little skittish.

“Can I sleep with you?”

It’s a big step. Huge, in fact, but he can’t look at Jared’s sad face and deny him anything. Pulling back the covers in open invitation, he lets Jared slip in next to him. 

They stare at each other, lying side by side, for a few long moments before Jensen even tries to speak.

“You wanna tell me about it now?” he whispers.

“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Jared sighs.

He feels his chest tighten. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Jared,” he says softly, “nothing at all.”

“I try so hard to be good all the time but it never works. Maybe I am dumb after all.”

“Don’t say that,” he says, wiping a stray tear from Jared’s cheek, “you’re not dumb. You’re not.”

“Then, why can’t they love me?”

Jensen lets out a shuddered breath and tugs Jared into his arms.

“They do love you,” he says, cradling Jared’s head on his shoulder. “They just don’t do a good job of showing it.”

He holds Jared and lets him cry, big silent tears that run down the side of his face and pool on Jensen’s collarbone. He’s not used to offering comfort, but he rubs soothing little circles on Jared’s back anyway. 

For a while, he’s lost in thought, wishing he could find the right words to say to make Jared feel better. Jared’s weight on his body feels so good, Jared’s big warm hand planted right in the middle of his chest. He’s not even aware of Jared’s movement at first, so caught up in the sensation of that warm breath caressing his neck, that he doesn’t realize Jared’s lips are brushing against his skin. 

“Jared, you have to stop,” he barely croaks out.

“I love you, Jensen,” Jared whispers against his skin, “I love you so much.”

Jared’s tongue sneaks out to lick away at his own tears and Jensen shivers. 

“I know you think I don’t understand, but I do,” Jared murmurs, “I know what love is and I know I want to stay with you. Please don’t say no, Jensen. Please say that you love me.”

And this is it. This is the moment he can’t hide from himself anymore. It occurs to him that Jared could easily overpower him with his strength but none of that really matters. Dragging his fingers through Jared’s hair, he nudges Jared’s chin up until they’re looking into each other’s eyes. 

“Love you, too,” he whispers against Jared’s lips.

Jared’s eyes light up and then they’re kissing. Gentle kisses turn urgent as Jensen’s hand slips under Jared’s t-shirt to caress smooth skin. 

Jared follows his movement, running his hand over Jensen’s taut stomach and down below his belly button, 

Jensen tickles the hair on Jared’s belly, follows the happy trail downward with the tip of his finger until he feels the line of Jared’s hard cock against his hand. 

He tugs his own pajama bottoms down and waits for Jared to do the same. A moment later, he’s gripping Jared’s cock in his warm palm. Holding another man’s dick feels different. Foreign. But it’s Jared and that makes all the difference. They rock together, skin slipping against skin, gasping softly into each other’s mouths. 

The heads of their cocks touch and Jared makes a noise that sounds like his name before he’s comes in hot spurts across Jensen’s belly. Jared’s rhythm falters and Jensen grabs hold of Jared’s thigh, shoves their pelvises together, and rubs himself against the slick groove of Jared’s hips until he’s shuddering through his own orgasm. 

Jared smears their come into his skin, mixing it together like he’s branding them.

“I didn’t think I could ever feel like this,” Jared whispers reverently.

He kisses the corner of Jared’s mouth, and then the tip of his nose. Jared’s hand drops down to his chest and they both fall asleep with Jared’s hand pressed securely over his heart.

***** 

Jensen gets the call the following Thursday. He’s in the middle of a meeting with JD about their affiliate in Seattle when Megan’s frantic voice wrenches him away.

“Jensen, can you come right now?” she asks, “It’s Daddy. Jared tried to wake him and...”

“I’ll be right there,” he replies, running for the door.

 

When he arrives, there’s an ambulance in the driveway and the door is wide open. He hears voices coming from the living room and he follows the sound to find Lauren and Jared’s mother seated gingerly next to each other on the wide sofa.

“There was nothing more we could do,” Lauren says sorrowfully, “Gerald’s heart just gave out and you know that he didn’t want us to use any artificial means to prolong his life.”

“I know that, Lauren,” Jared’s mother nods mournfully, “I’m grateful for everything you’ve done. He wouldn’t have been able to be home these last few months without your help. I had just hoped we’d have more time...” 

Jensen gasps and they both turn to look at him at the same time.

“Jensen,” Jared’s momma whispers, getting slowly to her feet, “you’re here.”

“I’m... I’m so so sorry, Ma’am,” he stammers, “I... I got here as quickly as I could.”

“There’s really nothing you can do here,” Lauren says, “the family needs to be together right now.”

“Megan called me,” he explains, “she said Jared... Uh, where _is_ Jared?”

“He’s with his brother and sister at the moment,” Lauren responds icily, “as you can imagine, they’ve had quite a shock.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I guess I must have misunderstood... Ma’am, I’m so very sorry.”

There’s a nagging feeling that something’s wrong but he knows he has no right to be in their home. He wants so badly to see Jared, though, simply because he needs to know that Jared is all right. Jensen grits his teeth, biting pack the sudden panic. If only he could convince them to let him talk to Jared...

“Wait.”

He blinks and finds Jared’s mom with her hand poised in mid-air between them. Her eyes are averted but she points in the direction of the stairs.

“He’s there,” she whispers, and sinks down onto the sofa again, head dropped and eyes closed. 

He doesn’t wait another second. Taking two steps at a time, he vaults up the stairs in search of Jared.

There are two EMT’s standing at the end of the hall, heads bent together. One is whispering and gesturing wildly toward an open doorway while the other nods solemnly in response. They look at him as he approaches but their eyes are unreadable. 

As he gets closer, he hears the sobbing, and it’s like a vice around his heart. He slows his footsteps, trying to regain his composure, and steps over the threshold. 

“Jensen, thank God you’re here,” Megan cries, “he found Daddy this morning and now we can’t get him to leave the room.”

Jared’s curled into a tight ball, head tucked between his knees, while he rocks back and forth in rhythm with his hitching sobs. His brother, Jeff, is crouched in front of him, murmuring soft words of encouragement that go unheard. 

“Jeff, can I talk to him?” Jensen asks softly, and is stunned by the broken look on the man’s face.

“He’s completely unresponsive,” Jeff croaks, “I think I’m going to have to sedate him.”

“No,” Megan pleads, “just let Jensen try. Please, Jeff.”

Jensen doesn’t wait for permission. He drops to his knees beside Jeff and reaches out a gentle hand toward Jared’s head. 

“Jared,” he murmurs, running his fingers through the curly brown locks, “come on, buddy...”

Jared rolls forward until his head is cradled in Jensen’s lap, and his arms snake out to wrap around Jensen’s waist. Beside him, Jeff hiccups back a sob and moves away quickly, obviously surprised by Jared’s sudden response. 

Jensen rubs soothing circles over Jared’s back. He’s sick with worry, wishing with all his might that he could take some of Jared’s pain away.

“Shhh,” he whispers, “it’s gonna be alright.”

Jared snuffles, tightening his grip around Jensen’s midsection while Jensen cradles him tenderly. He lets Jared press his tearstained face into his belly and moan out his anguish.

“My amaryllis died,” Jared mumbles.

“Your amaryllis?”

“Jay kept one in his room,” Megan supplies. 

“My amaryllis died and I didn’t even notice,” Jared whimpers.

“Oh,” Jensen says, “I’m sorry.”

“I want Daddy to come back,” Jared states and Jensen has to blink back his own tears.

“I know you do, buddy,” he says softly, “I know you do.”

“He said he wanted to see the roses at your house, Jensen. I told him all about it and he said he wanted to see them.”

“Well, you know what?” Jensen whispers, “He saw it through your eyes every time you talked about it. It’s just like he was there with you every time.”

“It made him smile,” Jared says.

“Of course, it did, because he was always so proud of you.”

“Daddy loves me,” Jared states.

“Your daddy will always love you, Jared, no matter where he is, you have to believe that,” Jensen continues, “but right now, your daddy needs to rest. His body’s just worn out and he needs you to let him rest, okay?”

Jared’s breath hitches but he nods slowly and Jensen’s throat closes up. He doesn’t know what else he can say.

“We need to vacate this room,” Jeff states, motioning toward the open door. 

“Your brother’s right, Jared,” Jensen says, “let’s let them take care of your daddy now.”

They both stand on wobbly legs, Jared still clinging to Jensen like a lifeline. Jared takes one long look at his father’s face but doesn’t say another word. 

 

“Is he all right?” Lauren asks when they reach the living room downstairs.

“Yeah, I think so,” Jeff answers. “Momma, they’re going to take Daddy to the hospital. I’m going to ride in with them. Would you like to meet us there?”

Jared’s mother nods tearfully.

“I’ll drive,” Lauren says. “Would you like me to get a sedative for Jared so he can rest?”

Jensen bristles. “No, that’s not necessary,” he says through gritted teeth. 

“Jensen,” Megan says, studying her brother’s blank face, “is all right if Jared stays with you for a few days?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Jensen nods, “for as long as you need.”

“Do you really think that’s wise?” Lauren demands.

“Yes, it is,” Megan answers.

“Jeff?” Lauren says, ignoring Megan’s statement, “Aren’t there other relatives who can care for him right now?”

They all look toward Jeff for his answer. Jensen can see Jeff study Jared’s face for a long moment, jaw ticking as he grinds his teeth together. There’s a myriad of emotions passing through Jeff’s eyes, reminding Jensen of Jared’s own expressive features. The man turns to where his mother has retreated, noticing that she’s too wrapped up in her own thoughts to hear what they’re discussing.

“No,” Jeff says, once he’s done with his assessment, “Jared should go with Jensen.”

“Jeff,” Lauren protests, “you’re not thinking straight.”

“Well, I am,” Megan says, “and I’m going to pack Jared’s things.”

“Look,” Jeff says finally, rubbing his forehead in frustration, “we’ve got a lot on our plate right now and Momma’s not in any condition to look after him. Just let it go for now.”

Megan sighs and kisses her brother on the cheek. Jared’s face is still pressed to Jensen’s neck when she squeezes his shoulder to get his attention.

“Jay,” Megan whispers, “you go and stay with Jensen for a few days, okay?”

Jared nods numbly. 

“If you need anything,” Jensen says to all of them at once, “just call.”

“We will,” Megan answers with a sad smile. “We have a lot of arrangements to make. Jensen, I don’t even know if he should go to the funeral...”

“I’ll talk to him,” Jensen replies. “We’ll see how he feels in a few days.”

He hugs Jared close and whispers, “Let’s get you home.” 

 

***** 

Megan shows up late on Sunday afternoon. Her eyes are red rimmed and puffy like she’s spent the entire week crying. Jensen watches her hold Jared’s head in her lap while the two of them cry together. He feels an ache deep within his chest as he sees Jared’s heart break into a million pieces because there’s nothing he can do to make it better.

The sun is slowly setting and Jared’s drifted off to sleep on the porch swing. The springs creak as it swings heavily back and forth in the breeze but Jared’s so worn out he doesn’t seem to notice. Jensen covers him with his favorite cashmere blanket and goes to lean on the banister just to watch him slumber. 

Megan steps out onto the porch carrying two steaming mugs of coffee and the two of them watch as the day turns to night. 

“It’s really beautiful here,” Megan says, breaking the silence, “I can see why Jay likes it so much.”

“It’s all him, really,” Jensen whispers, “the place was a mess before he came along. He made all of this.”

Megan nods her head and takes another sip of coffee. A cool breeze flutters by, ruffling through Jared’s hair like gentle fingers. In his sleep, Jared moves with it, sighing peacefully through slightly parted lips. 

“Daddy always said that Jared was special,” she says with a smile, “that he could hear what the wind was telling him.”

Jensen quirks an eyebrow in her direction. He’s heard all of this before, of course, from Jared himself, but he’s never been sure how much of it he shared with his family. 

“You know all about that, though, don’t you,” she sniggers, looking at him through squinted eyes. 

Jensen blows out a breath and nods. He’s never really been a good liar. 

“Anyway, I know what Daddy wanted,” she says, inhaling deeply, “he wanted Jared to be happy and it looks like Jared is happiest with you.”

He can’t help but stare at her. He’s been terrified all along that they knew, that they could tell by the look in his eye how much he felt for Jared. 

“I... I don’t know what to say,” he stutters, “I... we... it’s not what you think...”

“Relax, Jensen,” she sighs, “I know you love him and he loves you too.”

“But, how did you know?” he coughs, “When did you know?”

“Me? When you came over for dinner. You wanted to kill Lauren for looking down on him... Frankly, I’ve wanted to do that for a long time too,” she replies. “Daddy, though, I think he knew from the very beginning, just by the way Jared said your name.”

Jensen covers his face with his hands. He’s not sure if he’s supposed to feel embarrassed or relieved by knowing all of this. 

“Anyway, I think it’s a good idea if Jared comes to live with you... permanently.”

He looks up at her then, sees the firm set of her mouth and the way her shoulders are slightly hunched. It’s so much like Jared, he wants to laugh out loud.

“You’ll take him, won’t you? He really needs you,” she pleads.

He doesn’t really know what to say. He loves Jared, of course, but announcing it to the entire world is another matter altogether. 

“What will your mom say about all of this?” he asks instead.

Megan lets out a soft groan.

“She never understood Jared, never gave him a chance to be anything,” she says finally. “You and Daddy, you knew he was special. You let him be special.”

She steps up close to Jensen, taking his hands in her own. 

“I don’t care what anybody says, Jensen,” she says earnestly, “Jared belongs with you. That’s what Daddy would have wanted.”

Her tears slide down her cheeks as she sobs quietly in his arms. He forgets sometimes how young she is and that she loved her father just as much as Jared did. He pulls her in close, whispering soft, comforting words in her ear while she cries out all of her loss and anguish.

There’s a sudden chill in the air as the wind picks up and Jensen looks around to find Jared’s hazel eyes blazing with fury. Jared shoots out of the chair and it swings back forcefully enough to hit the wall behind it before he runs off into the murky darkness. 

“Jay?” Megan shouts, “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll get him,” Jensen yells and takes off after him.

He finds Jared on the other side of the apple tree in the very back of the yard, pounding his fists against the trunk with unconcealed rage. 

“Jared,” he says with forced calmness, “what going on, man? What happened?”

“You love Meggie more than you love me,” Jared spits out, “I knew it would happen. She’s all soft and pretty and I’m not. I knew you’d love her and then you’d stop loving me.”

“What? Why would you think that?”

“It’s true,” Jared cries, “you love her more than you love me. You’re always hugging her and I want you to hug me but you don’t.”

Understanding dawns and he closes his eyes in relief. 

“Jared,” he says softly, “none of that’s true, baby.”

“I’m not a baby,” Jared whispers brokenly, sinking slowly to the ground.

Jensen squats down in front of him so that they’re looking eye to eye as he strokes through Jared’s wavy brown hair.

“I know you’re not a baby, Jared,” he says, “so I know you can understand. Your sister misses your dad just as much as you do. She needs somebody to hug her just like you do too. But that doesn’t have anything to do with how I feel about you, Jared. I love you most of all. You know that.”

“More than ice cream?”

“More than anything,” he laughs and he means it.

He leans in and lets Jared’s forehead touch his. 

“I know who you really are, Jensen, and I want to be with you forever,” Jared murmurs, lips brushing gently against his skin.

Jensen closes his eyes and lets the warmth seep through his entire body. It doesn’t take a second for him to know he wants that too. 

“Okay,” he whispers. “Okay.”

~*~ Epilogue ~*~

He can already feel how excited the trees and the grass are that someone is out to keep them company.

 _Shhh,_ he says loudly in his head, _it’s almost time,_ and the wind settles down in carefree anticipation. 

The rose bushes are in full bloom in the front yard and the Sweet Dreams dance below the windows on the side of the house. Out back, lavender Russian Sage blossoms peek out over their finely gray-green leaves as they sway in the gentle breeze while daylilies in white, pink, lavender and yellow fight for his attention. Their playful games makes him giggle.

Suddenly, the backdoor crashes open and two little wriggling bodies hurtle toward him, barking with unconcealed joy.

“Sadie! Harley!” he squeals, throwing his arms wide open to let them crash right into him. They knock him over in their excitement, licking his face and snuffling playfully in his ear. 

Jensen makes his way across the yard toward the grill he’s set up near the shed, laughing out loud as the puppies break away to nip at his ankles. The sun kisses Jensen’s face, making his skin glow and Jared whispers, “Jensen is beautiful,” loud enough for the wind to hear him.

“Momma Ackles,” he calls loudly, “Jensen went out without sunscreen again!”

He tries to get away when Jensen sweeps him into a hug and whispers, “I can’t believe you told on me,” right into his ear. 

“Jensen,” Momma Ackles scolds, coming toward them with a bottle of the goopy stuff, “you know how quickly you freckle...”

“I like his freckles,” Jared admits with a shy smile and Jensen’s mother touches his face lovingly.

“I know you do, dear,” she says, reaching out to rub a dollop on her son’s nose anyway.

Jensen rolls his eyes and tries to get away, but Jared holds on fast. When she’s done with Jensen, Momma Ackles smears a blob of sunscreen on his face too, and they all dissolve into playful laughter.

“Where’s the party?” Megan yells when she rounds the corner. 

“Meggie!”

Jared grabs his sister and twirls her around until she screams with delight. His puppies bark happily, circling around them eagerly. 

He sees Jensen step back under the shade of their big apple tree, his bare feet cushioned by lush green grass. There’s a warm smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and a light in his eyes that fills Jared’s heart right up. 

This is his favorite time of day, when the sun is still high in the sky, and time seems to slow down to practically nothing. These days, when things start to rush by, all he has to do is reach out and grasp hold of it. The wind and the leaves still tell him wonderful stories, but now he has his own to share. 

And he’s grateful.


End file.
